milestones

Tandem nursing a success - like 5 minutes ago for a full 10 minutes or more. They were both tired and not really hungry just needed a top-off and a reason to get sleepy. Then the best part was the gush of happy mommy hormones that were released either from the nursing itself or just the realization that it was actually possible to nurse both children at the same time. Gonna go try and catch some zzz while they are actually sleeping, (but of course mid-writeup I had to go tend to a screaming unhappy baby who had flipped over onto his back and had arms flailing.

Also, had lots of visitors today and a shower and an outing-so maybe it was because I was really relaxed anyway.

Yael went on her play-date with her school friend [which included me trying to make calls to camp this morning in my not-quite-awake fog, then an email to the director, and then a followup call to make sure she had actually been picked up and I didn't have to get her at the regular time.] And then they came to our house for the first time ever to drop her off - and that was stressful, but Eran had straightened up a lot before he left for the day and then mom and her entourage of understanding friends were over so they both helped make the bed and tend to the babies and let me be neurotic, cause they understood that this was the first time this classy lady had been to my house. [One of her questions while she was here was if I had enough help - she has a nanny/housekeeper daily] Then of course I remembered out of the blue that I had kid friendly snacks and all mom's friends got was a mushy scoop of ice cream, after they had been at my house for hours.

Really gonna try to get some sleep now, though I need to remember in the future that black currant iced tea has loads of caffeine in it and not to drink it anytime after dark or any time I would like to get some sleep. Have mostly laid off the sodas and coffees lately (not entirely of course, but to a good degree, so said caffeine has a profound effect when it is imbibed.

Nervous/Anxiety much???

I am clearly dragging my feet on this having these babies issue.
On the one hand I clearly don't want to have a C-section at any cost, but on the other hand I am not sure I want to go through all the potentially painful process of labor and delivery twice (and then of course all the after birth as well - eeewww)
Then late night drama tv has all these discovery health channel programming gems that have you watching people having babies that didn't know they were pregnant and all kinds of other pregnancy/delivery related dramatic horror stories that make for awesome TV except when I know I shouldnt be watching them so as not to add to my anxiety.
Since I was already at the hopsital once during this pregnancy and ran through a battery of questions, I know that the epidural is encouraged in twin pregnancies in the likelyhood that there may be the eventual need to extract the baby via surgery. Not sure how I feel about the epidural at this point. I didn't have time for one with Yael and with Jonathan once I finally gave in and got one I don't know why I didn't do it sooner since I was dealing with unnatural doses of the devil drug pitocin. At this point, I was already scheduled to have a bed at the hospital on my birthday and somehow my silver-tongued husband talked his way into making them move the date-which I loved!!! (likely including an induction with the breaking of the waters and the dreaded pitocin encouragement, but I don't have to like it.) If I can I will see if they will let me walk around a little before they strap me to all the machines and the IV so as to get the juices flowing naturally as much as possible, and since the last few days walking around much at all has been kind difficult anyway, I'm not sure that it would take long at all.
In fact last night at one point I woke up extremely hot and caught a wave of nausea (I slept in the recliner sitting up on a towel just in case last night, but I don't have that feeling for tonight-at least not right now) and thought that maybe it was time, but then I somehow convinced myself that it wasn't. Maybe I am shutting down my own labor as a mind over matter thing??? Doubtful, but just maybe???
Getting into and outta bed has been challenging. My pelvic joint where the inner thigh is connected has been extremely painful on the left side (Baby B must be standing on my hip bone) and right before I had all the loosening of the joints with the pre-term labor scare 6 weeks ago, I was having serious issues with the joints of my right foot cracking and generally hurting.
And right now over the last few days because of some of my food choices, the heat, and lack of sufficient hydration (I can only stand to go to the water cooler and bathroom a certain number of times in one day) no matter how many bottles of water I chug...I still feel more swollen in my feet and hands.

Traded in the car seats that were gifted to me since they were not what I was looking for. They were convertible to use both as infant seats and for larger toddlers. They were perfectly practical, (working with engineers, what do you expect?) but not what I need at this stage for a double infant stroller where I can keep the kids in the infant seat and snap it into the stroller or car as needed with a minimum of juggling actual infants around. So, still need to get the car seat issue ironed out before we can even take them home from the hospital and now the dilemma is whether to go for the more expensive Graco where I have a plethora of extra bases for all the extra drivers in my life? or to go with the slightly less expensive Evenflo where the Z formation design of the handle leads me to belive it would be more easily maneuverable - more steady and less likely for me to bump the kiddos around too much.

Then of course I expect a litany of visitors, more likely at my tornado-struck, clutterfied home than at the hospital. Can't tell when I'll have to plan a party (bris) cause I don't know how healthy they will be...Might have them over a holiday weekend which could be good because I could get visitors to the hospital too, but then again, it may not be so good cause the hospital might be understaffed.

Plus, all the usual anxiety stuff with how the older kids will react to all this chaos.
As it is, my carefully though out plan to have them taken care of from morning to night at summer camp has resulted in a cranky Yoni almost every night, despite the fact that I know he is having a blast at camp!
And I hope that I will be able to balance caring for the newborns, myself and the older kids all at the same time after having been sat on my butt for over a month and not even bothering to get in the kitchen to make all the yummy things I wanted to (quiches and casseroles and smoothies and desserts and doughs for the freezer, so all I would have to do would be to pull something out) or do all the other litany of house projects that I should have been doing in the meantime while waiting (like cleaning out the drawers of things that are too small for Yael)

Yaelisms #35482

Been awhile since we visited some of Yael's cutest sayings. don't know if I have a whole post worth's but here are some recent ones:

Family - is a variation - falimy
Forever: foreber and eber and eber
If you ask her name she may be inclined to tell you that it is : Yael NetanelNamer which is pretty close. She runs her middle name into her last name and leaves out a syllable [Yael Netanella Namer], but it is oh so cute!
She is very verbal and loves girly things like nail polish and "lips" [chapstick or sparkly gloss] and "pretty hair" [pony tails], and her big brother has an amazing thing with numbers and puzzles...

At the present moment she is doing her version of what she calls lego: matching clear lids to the small pencil sharpeners I bought in bulk thinking I'd use them in favor bags and then they got lost in the playroom, which is where she found the lot of them.

She has STILL never met a stranger as she followed the leader of the sibling class and sat next to her during demonstration time (swaddling the baby) and then had lots to babble about as she stayed near her throughout the hospital tour while I hung toward the back in my wheelie-chair.

Should kids have best friends?

Here is yet another article that I have an opinion that I want to share. Don't really care if it fits the article or not, but it draws from my personal experiences as of now.

My 6 year old has a best friend and some stand-in best friends, and then some kids that he knows but doesn't really have a strong opinion about. And I'm sure there are also some kids he just flat-out doesn't like, but I have yet to hear about those and unfortunately, I don't have time to hover around the playground and intensely scrutinize his interactions with the other kids. Some of that attitude is my generally hands-off approach and some of that is the fact that he is his own person and I need to let him learn to deal with people in his own way.
And he is a boy. Boys generally don't have such cliqueish issues as girls, and especially at this young age, although it is easy to see the beginnings of the social climate being formed.
Along this regard, I have been struggling with the camp placement in groups for this summer. One reason I choose to send him to the camp I do is that he has an opportunity to break free a little bit from his religiously structured private-schoool existence and to intercact with some friends that he knew before we forced him down that track. Somehow, even despite my request to the contrary, and that he be placed with those kids that are not part of his everyday life at the moment, he was placed with the private school kids. It hurts my heart becuase I wanted him to be with some old friends from preschool that wouldn't let him onto the baseball team I wanted [because it was already full] and it caused this season to be pretty awful, whereas they had a fun time all season.

However, the playing field with my 3 year old is even more pronounced. She has her friends that she likes and they like her [thank goodness for that] Then there are the friends that she likes that don't particularly care for her [ouch] And of course there are those kids that she just doesn't like [also ouch] She is on the small side in stature but a force to be reckoned with in her personality. She is already getting her feelings hurt when some of the larger kids refer to her as "baby" This week I taught her to parrot that most all important phrase of small kids everywhere "Good things come in small packages" Of course, she doesn't comprehend what the words mean yet and half the time she can't quite get out the whole phrase, but the foundation is being poured. At least she will have something to say that won't exacerbate the situation when she gets a little older.

More strange pregnancy dreams

So a few days ago I had one of those weird symbolic pregnancy dreams everyone talks about.
It was after a particularly hard night where I didn't get any sleep but then slept like the dead for several hours the following day.
It was also right around the time I took possession of my certified used car, which is brand new to me and loaded with more features than I have ever seen in one vehicle.

The dream goes like this:
Italicized text: dream world
Standard text: real world
I have 6-8 kids loaded into my old CR-V [The new car has room for 8 passengers]
They are mostly my son's best friends and their siblings: Elie, Eyal, Leeor, Ido, Yoni, Yael and maybe even a few more...
All the kids are doubled up on booster seats - 2 per seat, one in front of the other, attached to the back seat of the car by one seat belt.

Meanwhile, in the real world it has been a struggle for me to help make sure my kids are secure cause I can't lean over them to help buckle and tighten the seat belt properly. Good thing for the most part they can do it themselves.

The next thing I know, I am riding a 10-speed bicycle [lately my friend has been on a health kick and turning up periodically at my house for a schmooze on her bicycle - It's only 2 neighborhoods over, likely a 15 minute cycle ride] and all the kids are behind me on those booster chairs, strapped in 2 deep.

Then the next thing I know, I am riding past one Elie's mother [who is the Rabbi's wife] who is wearing a purple scarf head covering. And as I speed past her she is jogging in a long denim skirt and 3/4 length T-shirt, but she doesn't see me and that is good because Elie is no longer with me. I know that she knows I have him, and normally I am a responsible person and would not abandon anyone's kids, but I have most definitely lost this kid and all the others. The only ones I have with me are Eyal and Leeor [who are brothers] and they are now both strapped in the old-school style baby seat that is mounted on the back of the bicycle.

As I quickly cycle past the Rabbi's wife [Gabi] whose back is always to me, I find myself in a limestone, ivy-lined courtyard with a beautiful fountain [a very calming location and out of place in the suburban Houston we inhabit, much more reminiscent of some tranquil garden in England or a ritzy neighborhood in Israel] and I get the feeling that I have just passed Gabi's house at one end of the neighborhood on the way to Dana's apartment at the other end. The proximity of their houses in my dream may represent the fact that in my mind they are more involved in the day to day lives of the kids at school because they are in closer proximity to what is happening [Dana is PTO co-president and Gabi's husband is the Rabbi of the shul where the pre-school is housed] [Dana is also Eyal/Leeor's mother, who lives in a 2-story house that they recently refurbished in an older neighborhood near the school the older boys will be going to next year. She had a baby girl in March and planned the kids' graduation bowling party recently. After she gave birth, I offered to take her boys for a sleep over so she could get some time with the baby. That never actually materialized, but it still might.] So I am returning her boys after the playdate on the back of the bicycle, which in and of itself is rather strange, but my children are not with me nor are the other kids who were on the playdate.

Normally, Israelis are very hospitable and almost insist you stay for coffee and a cookie or something, but she is sitting at a computer desk in a small outer-office-like room off the courtyard [I don't know what her occupation is] but for whatever reason, whether she is just busy or she can tell I am stressed about something, or maybe she had to feed the baby, she just pretty much lets me drop off the boys and leave in a hurry.

At some point before I drop off Eyal and Leeor I realize I have lost my car with no idea of where it could even be and that seems to register almost more than the fact that the kids were still in it. But somehow I also know that the kids are ok and not inside the lost car. I kinda get the feeling that they are on a grassy patch somewhere, either a park or a back yard, kicking around a ball. Elie and Yoni are the best of friends and generally good boys and I know that between the two of them, they won't be getting in any real trouble or hurting themselves. I also know that they are "kinda" watching over their younger siblings [Yael and Ami] without letting them bother them too much.
Guess I expect and attribute lots of real responsibility to and from my kids.

It may or may not be of interest that most of the friends in the dream are Yoni's [and the ones that I know and like the most] and that he claimed loudly and on several occasions to not like our old car. Now, he and his little sister LOVE the new car because it has a TV and sliding electric doors and a sunroof like grandpa's, etc, etc, etc...
So what if it is not brand new, it is new to us and we are loving it...all 3 times that I've driven it so far.

I read this pregnancy article (click here) and just had to share a few thoughts:
Agreed, completely agreed, well kinda...
In the past I have somehow managed to continue my routine and semblance of life, well kinda....
My pregnancy mantra has always been "I'm not broken, I'm just pregnant."
Well this time around, as I get closer to the end - with a double whammy of unexpected spontaneous twins, I have decided that maybe I am just a little broken.
There are some things that I just cannot do, like reach the floor or tie my own shoes. And I haven't been able to for months. And when I would sit at my desk in my office with a door and a personal printer (which I didn't have before) I would sometimes get too uncomfortable to sit any longer, and walking around was also somehow painful - either from the extra pregnancy weight or from the shard of glass in my continually strained right foot.

With my first child, I had a high risk pregnancy in which my blood pressure sky-rocketed and I was hospitalized 3 different times. It wasn't such a big deal for me as I didn't have a child at home to contend with and my teaching hours had been cut way back.
Then I contracted an infection which most people have an immunity to by the time they are 3 years old, but somehow I caught it in my first trimester, which of course is the most critical in passing it and the possibility of myriad birth defects and disorders along to the fetus.
But in my heart of hearts, I knew he was ok and despite all the tests that indicated that he did indeed have the disease in the amniotic fluid, and was likely to be born with it. In any case, I didn't need the tests to know that all was going to be ok.
Then he had IUGR either because of the CMV or my high BP, wherein the uterus was no longer the best place for him to grow so the drs decided to induce me. I had always joked that I would drive myself to the hospital and indeed in this case I did!
The induction was at 36 weeks and it was incredibly slow. The first part didn't proceed at all and the pitocin was administered incorrectly, so when they finally got the show on the road, it was unbearable.
As I was still screaming my head off while the young blonde Russian night nurse was calmly telling me that she had seen other martyrs and could put in the order to end the suffering right now or wait until I was good and ready. Finally, the epidural anaesthesiologist arrived and then he was taking his sweet time plodding on about his business and explaining things to me that I couldn't care less about or comprehend at that point. I had no intention of getting the epidural in the first place so he should have been quick about it so I wouldn't change my mind, but I capitualted in the end and couldn't sign the form fast enough!

I was exhilarated when pregnant with my girl child. I had tons of energy for the most part, I even endured a month or so of contractions at my desk and a really oppressive personality conflict at the office to boot, as well as a corporate merger and a twice hospitalized child during that pregnancy. And to top it all off, I worked up until the day she was born. Just woke up that morning knowing something was different and lo and behold, within 3 hours I was holding my perfect princess. I crowed to the world that I LOVED being pregnant and it was really true.

This time around, not so much.
This time I had been blessed with spontaneous twins, plus my advanced maternal age (I am only on the cusp at 35, but it generally requires closer watching) and was at least 30 lbs heavier than I would have liked to be when we found out. Plus I was a massive hormonal mess and fought a lot with everyone, including my in-laws who can only rarely make a visit, but an extended one nonetheless.
And then I had strange discharge from one breast and had to have 3 extra checks for that (and a follow-up after the babes are born).
And then, every test I did I failed and had to redo.
Failed the early 1 hr glucose tolerance screen so I had to do the 3 hour test - and then do it again at the normally scheduled time of the pregnancy. In Israel, I don't remember ever doing a 1 hr screen, they just sent me straight for the 3 hr test, which turned out fine. With my daughter, I just refused to do it altogether. And the dr tried and tried, time and again to get me to do it, I was just a little overwhelmed and couldn't imagine spending 3 hours at the clinic for hourly blood draws.
Failed the blood draw for the chromosomal screen so had to undergo amniocentesis, done by a specialist. Turns out twins often give off false positives for this screen. Had undergone amnio with my first-born for quite another reason altogether (in-utero CMV), but at the time, my outlook was so positive and my faith was so strong (that I would just KNOW if anything was wrong) that I only agreed to all the extra tests to pacify my freaked out husband and the teams of drs.
This time, I had a scary bleeding episode after a late-night freak rainstorm (when my mother and father were out of pocket of course) and ended up in the hospital for observation.
Nurse at that time noticed a contraction that I didn't even realize was a contraction, I just chalked it up to extra strong fetal movements. Then she charted 3 more contractions in a 20 minute non-stress test strip. And they still sent me home for the holiday weekend with instructions to see my dr at the first possible opportunity. Also sent me home on antibiotics (due to leukocytes in my urine sample) and I wonder if either a UTI or bladder infection didn't trigger the bleeding episode to begin with.
In any case, a few days later in quite a dramatic fashion, I had a bloody show that was quite impressive (since I never had such a thing before). Of course, my 3-yr old daughter chose that particular moment to barge into the bathroom on me. She caught me with a look of horror plastered on my face and a big mess on my hands, and I had to think on the fly, while flustered myself, that she would only understand that I had had some kind of dramatic BM.

My dr keeps seeing me weekly now and asks every time if I live close to the hospital. I assure her I can be there in less than 20 minutes which is usually the case. I am not as advanced as I was with my daughter at this stage, but then I was also not ordered home to put my feet up and to do as little as possible, which has undoubtedly made all the difference. Even my blood pressures are lower, which is inconceivable for me and my brain to handle.

Memorial Dayish

With Memorial Day just around the corner, all the American media machines are pumping stories about the Gulf Coast Oil disaster and touting the annual white sales and summer bar-b-q season kick-off deals. Occasionally you hear about soldiers serving or sacrificing their lives in far off places like Afghanistan and Iraq – places you have barely heard of, never been nor would you want to visit.
Not long ago, Israel commemorated its annual memorial day – Yom HaZikaron. I surreptitiously caught my husband standing at attention while he watched the taped media coverage of the commemoration ceremonies that had happened hours earlier and thousands of miles away.
Granted, this is a special holiday for all Israelis when the entire country stands for a moment of silence while air raid sirens sound overhead. And even more so for my husband whose father and several uncles were career military men. One of his uncles was on active duty when he was killed in a car wreck and so every year the family as a unit trundles off to the military section of the cemetery in their small town to honor and pay respect to their fallen relative and countrymen.
Now, my children learned about Yom HaZikaron in conjunction with Yom HaAtzmaut (Israeli Independence Day) which directly follows on the heels the somber mood of the memorial day ceremonies. The sun goes down on the somber mood of Memorial Day and the Israeli populace breaks out in public concerts, fireworks displays and general mayhem that may or may not include being chased and hit over the head with a plastic toy hammer and silly string. What that has to do with commemorating Israeli Independence Day I have never figured out, but it sure is fun. Like the American version, bar-b-q is a staple, but Israeli style, with pita and hummus at every table.
What I had a bit of trouble with was when I tried to discuss the Memorial Day holiday with my kids. The discussion went something like this:
Me: Did you learn about Yom HaZikaron and remembering the Israeli soldiers at school?
Them: Yes
Me: Well our American Memorial Day is coming up soon and you will be off from school….
I couldn’t figure out a way to make this Memorial Day holiday relevant to these American kids who have never met a real-live soldier, whereas in Israel, all of hubby’s younger cousins seem to be in the army or right around the army age (either just before or just after)
I want to make this memorial day something extra memorable for them since it will be the last one for awhile before I will be feeling up to giving them my undivided attention and getting them somewhere fun to do something. Somehow my birthday and July 4th which are both still on the horizon, just don’t seem to be on my radar as the time to do something fun with them, since I am feeling more and more like my body is preparing to give birth to these twins sooner rather than later at this point….like any day now...
Since I saw my OB/GYN this monday, and gave her my verbal report that the U/S doctor hadn't yet sent over (and then researched all he said fanatically on the interweb) I feel like the pregnancy has finally taken over my body and I have had to relinquish control. I have been might uncomfortable lately owing partially to the tiniest sliver of glass that was embedded in my foot and then the subsequent stich when the GP had to dig to get it out. Now several days after the stitch was removed, I am still hobbling about because it is still tender (maybe the stubborn sliver is still in there) but mostly because I managed to jam my toes and twist my ankle on the day the stitch was removed. I took that as a sign that the universe wanted me to stay off my feet so I played hookey from work: I took 3 naps, had a leisurely lunch with my aunt, went shopping, and dropped off and picked up my mother from her myriad drs sessions at the cancer center. The next day it still took me almost 30 minutes to walk the 3 blocks from my car to my building -between my sore toesies, my tender foot and the extra baby weight I am hauling around (sometimes they just feel like they weigh a ton and other times it is no big deal)
I'm thinking I'm gonna have to change my mantra for the next little bit from - "I'm not broken, I'm just pregnant" to "So I'm a little worse for wear, and thank you for holding that door (or elevator, or seating me at a table instead of a booth)"

not a happy dance kinda day

I am stressing out about finances for the coming year and don't really know what to do other than be as proactive as I have been already.

Somehow I think having a nanny will be less expensive than daycare times 2. Plus two other school tuitions. Plus an increased mortgage and out of pocket expenses having to deal with a likely C-section (I'm finally coming to terms with that possibility although the thought scares me and I would rather do without) and care for 2 newborns.

Whoever said money is no object has not walked a mile in my shoes lately.

And on that point, I can't even walk a mile in my own shoes right this minute. Between gasping for breath because of my weight gain from the babies and the minor surgery I had to undergo yesterday to get the embedded remaining tiny sliver of glass out of my foot (which the dr couldn't really even see except for the glint of it in the light from the scope), I am nursing a tenderfoot with a stitch that needs to be removed in a week.

I hobbled my-own-self since we tried to get it out ourselves. Dad got a piece, then I soaked it a week later and got another piece out and then in the process moved the other remaining piece around so much that it was irritated and well embedded and not going anywhere. The dr couldn't see it any more than I could, but I could feel it for sure when he rubbed over the location. He had to give me a local anaesthetic injection and that was pretty darn painful! Never mind - I just joked that I am preparing for the hardship of labor to deliver these babies. Then he called in the nurse to assist - he wanted me to lay down on the table on my stomach and I refused. So rather unorthodox of most patients, he allowed me to sit on the corner of the exam table while he labored on my foot and Delilah held it still for him - with the understanding that I was not allowed to look [ not that I would want to -eeeewwww]. Delilah missed the whole injection phase, so she thought aloud that I had a rather high tolerance for pain which is when I joked that I was practicing getting my body ready for real pain...of labor... Then she wasn't really prepared for an extraction stitch kit, but went to get one while the dr held the wound together. Would have been better if I hadn't looked then either. Couldn't bear to watch the stiching part, but actually felt some of that so whatever...

All of that drama made the freezing of the wart on the other leg a walk in the park...

azalea progression

Spring 2005

Spring 2007

Spring 2009



Spring 2010

Couldn't pick my favorite so I uploaded them both.

Comment on which you like better...

precious moments soda commercial

Thanksgiving - Nov 2009

Not naming names

It's an inherent part of my personality that I've come to accept and not overly judge or try to remedy. I know that I like to know secrets and keep things vague.


Hubby and I have a friend who is in the midst of a mid-life crisis or some other major life altering conundrum. They even described this point in their life as "being at a cross-road both professionally and personally" - their words. We are a lot alike in some ways and then there are very stark differences that I can comprehend from a friend point of view, but not agree with for other reasons.



Parallels in our existences include major upheavals in all the stress causing areas - and all at once. In the past few months there have been major job changes, major home renovations and general chaos in financial stability - spending more than is coming in the door. This is something I am familiar with as I had a baby, quit my job and moved to America all within a short time period causing untold amounts of stress. I figured if there was one major area of change then it would be a good time to make other changes as well. Hindsight being what it is, I don't necessarily agree with that now.
Also there is the fact that they are also a 2-income family with one parent having a more supporting than starring role in the finacial arena. And they are supporting young children in an expensive school system with many years of this ahead. Money is always a big stressor!


However, I had my partner by my side for most of my tribulations.
He couldn't stand the idea of being in Israel away from me and the baby (even though that was our original plan - for him to stay in Israel, tie up loose ends and meet me in America when I had found a place to live and a source of income) So he quickly got rid of our worldy possessions and got out of our lease agreement (all in one fell swoop - by making the deal of a lifetime for a blind Ethiopian student he worked with: namely he sold all of our furnishings along with the lease to the apt for a song, mainly because he just wanted OUT!)
Then he rejoined me and we slogged through the relocation process together (as it probably should have been from the start)



In any case, this person has seemingly made the opposite choice. There have recently been extended business trips and now a vacation with the children sans one parent which has been extremely difficult on the parent who could not attend. [I would not call that a family vacation although there are family members involved]



Then there is the case of infidelity. That is one of the poor choices that I think led to the eventual downfall of my former VP. Bad choices that snowballed into other, more serious bad choices.

My friend has also started down that road. I am blissfully unaware of the full extent of those choices and I want to keep it that way. It has all the earmarks of a terrible situation now and further down this road.

I know there have been peiods of lonliness and boredom in that marriage and the breakdown of communication is evident by some of the more public displays that have occured. I suppose out of deference to the children the fighting has not been LOUD displays (as my husband and I are sometimes guilty of - even in front of our children), but there is such a ring of truth to the adage that actions speak louder than words.



I think there are many parts of the problem including: stagnation (life can get into a rut sometimes) and intellectual boredom (concentrating on building a business is intellectually draining) and all the upheaval that has been in their living/renovation situation. Theirs is obviously a house divided - the outcome for now is two home offices and two individual bathrooms.



Now how do I support them both (they are both individuals going through this situation) knowing what I know, and being ethically torn. Plus wanting the situation to be the best for all involved?

And to make matters worse, my husband and I are not 100% on the same page - if we were taking sides in this matter which we are not cause it's not our concern. But it did make for interesting adult conversation (imagine that!).
Maybe it's because I am still torn about how I feel and who is being wronged in the situation.
But I try to remind myself that I cannot judge because I have not walked a mile in their shoes.
I only know what they choose to presentto me [or withhold] (and maybe just a little more because I have some empathy and life experience under my belt)

What a week

Drama, Drama and more drama - just the way we like it!

and if we can get through this sefirat haomer without killing each other or fighting daily it would be a miracle.

April 15 - other wise known in America as Tax Day. We had all kinds of issues surrounding this - namely that after more than a year of cajoling, or nagging as it is called in the vernacular, we still got hit with the wrong kind of tax form and actually owed uncle sam $$$ this year - which is an unfortunate variation from our previous years.

(sorry to my kids' uncle sam-I didn't mean you-we're square!)

The day my dad and I were set to crunch the numbers, we almost burned the house down.

I won't name names, but a male member of my immediate family was kicking a soccer ball around in the back yard at Bubbe and Purpaw's house. Purpaw had already finished relaxing at the picnic table with his "stinky stick" (cigar for those not in the know and bigger than 3 years old) and brought in is computer and headphones for the evening. All of a sudden, the lights dimmed, there was a loud crashing sound outside, sparking ensued and there was also the sound of buzzing electricity.

The soccer ball had been launched precisely at the corner of the patio and the house where the drop-feed from the electricity pole fed the electricity into the house. Granted the wires were old and droopy lately - meaning they were low enough that my dad could reach them easily to disengage the sparking with a broomstick - which I don't ever recall being the case, even in recent memory. And this is a particularly vulnerable area since we remember a lightning strike happened exactly in the same spot, causing even more damage since there was a blue glow in the kitchen for awhile after that and the microwave was deemed the only casualty.

At least our electricity situation doesn't look like this :)

I went stumbling through the laundry room in all my largess to trip all the circuit breakers, to really stop the electricity from causing any further damage. Good thing I made my dad check it out because I had missed a few in the dark ;)

This incident was exciting enough to scare my usually unflappable daughter into hysterics and spooked my son pretty bad. Though they didn't relate the incredulous story to friends or teachers at school like I thought they might.
We did sit them down to explain everything in terms they could understand This after Puraw had called the city hotline to get the number for the electric company [my idea since all his bills were online with no way to access them] and generally calmed the ensuing hysteria down. and we had to make sure we didn't lay blame - because accidents happen, and all turned out fine (other than a few hours waiting on the elec comp to remedy the situation-which they did relatively speedily)

Then of course, the whole stress of the taxes made my husband crazy. He got the wrong kind of form - not his fault - even though I nagged him for over a year to make sure he had the right one. Then we found out that he wanted to have my dad crunch his numbers NOW (with no though as to what Purpaw was doing that night) so as to get the figure that he owed - as a result of getting the wrong form - back to his boss to prove why he wanted the other form. Then in yet another mistake that'll cost me, he took it upon himself to break it down for the boss, rather than just let the numbers speak for themselves.


The following day, I got an earful from my dad, at work, while all my co-workers could hear me, fighting over this with him (I didn't have a chance to shut my door, not that it would have helped much anyway)




It didn't matter to my dad that I wasn't the one to create any part of this problem, nor was the anger I got the brunt of directed at me for that matter, but it did raise my blood pressure and generally piss me off. And I made sure to tell that to my dad in no uncertain terms, as well as to make sure he was to take up the matter with the one he actually had an issue with. I think me telling him that this fight was accomplishing nothing other than to raise both his and my blood pressure is the part that finally got through to him and got him off the phone with me, hopefully to make the subsequent call to my husband (who later told me that my dad was nothing but nice to him that day. Yeah, sure - he had already got out all his yelling out of his system - at me!)


In fact, it raised MY blood pressure so much so that a full two hours later when I had a headache (which I didn't have at the time) and decided to check my pressure (in the Safety Director's office on my floor, after just about everyone else had already left) my pressure was still elevated to 171/96 [don't tell my dr, she'll put me on bed rest for sure]

Gas Mask Distribution

Looks like it's that time again:
IDF expands distribution of gas masks
Does the IDF know something we don't know?

The very next article I read was this:
Gas mask distribution unrelated to security situation

And truthfully, I think I agree with one of the commenters who noted that the gas mask is more of a PR ploy - into convincing J.Q. Public that they have some concrete action they can take to protect themselves in an otherwise pretty hopeless situation.

Staggering Dreams

That should be the title to a song!
But for me - it is just my reaction to my over active and over taxed mind, trying to sort out the difficulties and experiences I am having in the waking world.

Work issues AGAIN!
But this time they pervaded my subconscious mind. I woke up unsettled from my dream world for many reasons not least of which - I acted strangely out of character from my awake-self personality in more than one part of the dream.
Here’s the back story:
My current boss’s boss [I’ll refer to him as G] got himself arrested and in a heap of trouble by making poor choices in his personal life. Which I have mentioned previously on this blog. My current boss [R] – loyal perhaps to a fault, helped out this guy on the down-low: no one was really supposed to know that he spent hours at the bail bondsman and trying to spring G from the pokey.

This week R springs the news that he is resigning from his current position and taking a new job, much closer to home, with some of his dad’s cronies. It may or may not be relevant to the issue that he got our company through a very low spot when we were surely facing bankruptcy, and he managed to keep all our creditors at bay, although that was WAY outside the scope of his job description. It was possibly more along the lines of what his boss G should have been doing, instead of making poor choices in his personal life that bled over into his professional life and dramatically led to his eventual demise.
I’ll admit R wasn’t perfect [his Jew jokes were wearing thin and starting to irritate me for one thing], but he was fun to work for and flexible about most things, including letting me learn some new skills when the need arose.

Having gotten used to the idea that R was leaving, I went in to visit with his contemporary [wB] about some other work related issue. Over the course of this week we got to talking and he revealed that it is almost certain that he will be moving up the ladder – not to R’s previous level, but in a way that includes that I will be reporting to him and that we will be adding another girl to our dept to learn the ropes for when all our babies are hatched this summer. We also got chatting about all the people that have left our ranks (voluntarily or not) and what has become of them. He cited his dismay at one of our colleagues [B] that was one of the casualties of our “slow down” and has the distinction of being "the one that was sacrificially let go" from our dept. But in the next breath wB reminded me that B “landed well” as he "kinda keeps tabs on him" through a salesman that makes calls on both companies.

And in a different vein altogether, my past musician lifetime came back for a visit. It wasn’t entirely bad - it reminded me that I used to have a hobby [I think I always knew I wouldn’t make a grand living at it, I only had a lukewarm passion for it even at the peak of my “career” – sorry daddy] – and that it is sometimes a definite missing aspect from my life.
The younger brother of a friend of mine that was in the same grade as me and went to all of the schools I did, was recently in a contest through Crate and Barrel for an Ultimate Wedding Giveaway. He is a very talented musician out of Portland or Seattle and his fiancé was diagnosed with a rare cancer recently. With their wedding plans on hold, they signed up as a lark to take some of the pressure off. I was bombarded with reminders sometimes 2 and 3 times a day to visit the site and vote for them. And at one point I even felt compelled to publicize their story on my personal newsfeed.

Just a little reminder to those still reading: Happy Passover. I debated calling my learning partner to see how she is doing with all her family in for the holiday and thought that I might do better to leave her alone until they all leave.


So now onto the dream:
The setting is a one-room school house. I am clearly agitated but don’t know about what.
Then arrives a moustached man (whom I later identified as wB while discussing the dream with a close friend at work) There is no one else around but I begin physically beating this man up. He is obviously taller and larger than me, but he stands there and takes the pounding I am giving him without flinching or really holding me off. He does not cover any of the areas I am attacking or attempt to defend himself in any discernible way.
Once I have used up all my energy on this attack, "classmates" start to appear and "the teacher" - my learning partner - keeps them away from me. The moustached man has gone to tend to his bruises - I never really saw any blood and he was still standing and walking after my beating. Another gentleman swoops in to console me for what I did. He does not speak at all, only lets me collapse against him and shelters the rest of the "classmates" from seeing my shame and agitation. Never mind that "the moustached one" let me get away with it and that the "teacher" went on to sheperd the other students to a different place in the building and tried to get on with things as if nothing happened - giving the impression that things were well handled by "consoling man" and that she would check on things when she was more able to do so.

(I identified the consoling one as B at the same time I realized the moustached man was wB and also that this was my subconscious attempt to come to terms with the work-related "adjustments". One of the topics wB and I discussed that day was the fate of some of our former colleagues and specifically B which is why he was on my mind)

Same day, Act II:
The dream continues in a different setting altogether.
I am on stage in an orchestra setting and still upset over letting myself lose control and physically attack another person. (The other players are really irrelevant other than that there were there. I was aware that the red-headed boy, who I was always in school with-and not his younger brother, the afore-mentioned contestant with his fiancé in the wedding contest- was at the front of the viola section and I was somewhere in middle to the back of the section)
Towards the end of the rehearsal, or the movement, or the piece, I hurriedly walk off stage and am distraught, but not inconsolable, crying in the wings of the backstage area. It was not completely clear if it was a performance or a rehearsal. And the other musicians follow me offstage very soon after, but I could not get off the stage fast enough and even caused a bit of a ruckus in my leaving. It was VERY unlike me in any performance or rehearsal situation I can remember during my actual time as a musician. So that whole bit about me losing my composure in a different kind of "professional" [although a lifetime ago, as a professional-quality student musician] setting in itself was a bit disconcerting as well.

So there you have it - outside influences again pervade my subconscious self.
And my husband and kids who are so much a part of my waking and home life, but completely removed from my work persona are noticeably absent from these dreams.
Do I deliberately compartmentalize all the pieces of my life and is it so blatantly apparent to everyone else too? I wonder...
Thoughts and comments are appreciated but I won't claim to agree with them all outright.

Hyperbole, metaphor, whatever, it's just a thought

I wear my Judaism like a blanket.

Sometimes it is warm and comforting and there for all the world to see wrapped snugly around me.

And sometimes I throw it off like it is constricting and smothering me and making me uncomfortable.

But then later I go and pick it up off the floor, shake it out a bit and wrap it's comfort around me again.

Sometimes it needs a good run through the wash and I can't bear to put it in the dryer for fear of ruining it or shrinking it, so I hang it outside on the clothesline - again, for all the world to see and comment upon as if it is so much unmentionables hanging outside in the sun.

I don't tend to fly it like a flag from the highest pole or the nearest tree, but I don't necessarily hide it from the world either.

Guess this is something that will plague me forever - sometimes less so, but always there at the back of my thoughts.



Can I feel freely Jewish and not have to explain myself for everything I do - like deciding that I can't palate even the thought of knowingly eating shrimp or most pork products (still gottta convince myself that most sausage is pork) or a even a hamburger pizza.

Maybe that's why I've been investigating vegetarian options lately

And I couldn't introduce Boca Burgers at my house for fear of confusing my little ones - how can a cheeseburger be kosher at home but not at McDonalds?



When I was pregnant with Yael, I remember consistantly choosing to wear skirts. I told myself that it was because it was more comfortable for many reasons (and I was STILL trying on a more Jewish identity). Lately I have been plagued with trying to find comfortable pants and just dragged out one of those maternity skirts this AM. Now I remember why I loved them so - may have to return to the skirt trend again. Warmer weather is coming too, so there is also that advantage.

Can I call THIS my parenting philosophy?

What IS a parenting philosophy?
We don't have one. We never really talked about it. We agree on some things, disagree on others and muddle through so we can make it to the weekend to play with the kiddos.
Yoni is signed up for everything - baseball, soccer and I'd like more : martial arts, scouts, paiting, ceramics, t-shirt design, music classes, modeling, acting - you name it - I want him to try it all out and be able to pick and chose what he likes or doesn't
Yaeli miskena (poor thing) gets dragged to baseball and soccer practices and then gets to watch from the sidelines. She sometimes has a ball to play with, but more times than not, I forget to bring her a toy. I keep meaning to sign her up for dance classes (especially since she really wants to be able to wear a pretty pink dress - tu-tus count, right) or gymnastics or even soccer, but I never seem to manage to be able to do it - much less how the logistics would work exactly since I am stuck downtown till after these things begin and mostly can catch maybe the last 15 min or so if I am lucky.
Now I have 2 more boys on the way - what did I ever do to desrve twins and much less twin BOYS??? So Is Yael going to constantly get the short end of the stick because she's the only girl? Or will she be super spoiled because she's the only girl? And will I ever be able to afford anything again???
I know that having twins will change our lives, but how am I going to make it? Day care x2? Clothes and diapers x2, and no extra income on my part for 2 years running.
One interesting thing is that due to the fact that I am going to be out at about the same time as my backup who is also expecting, is that my boss asked for a detailed list of what I do and when. When I jotted it all down. he reminded me to add some extra stuff too. Now it is a pretty impressive list when I look over it, but something that is definately learnable by many. And no, I am not downplaing my abilities or skill set, I just have a lot more that I am capable of than I realized and most of it is self taught since I did not come from the ranks of engineering professionals.

What a wedding!

The wedding itself was beautiful. A formal affair - which, I don't think I've ever been invited to such a thing. The bride was stunning, the groom was impeccable, and MY amazing husband was standing there at the chuppah to be a support for the groom and his family.

However, there were many, many dramatic and even entertaining moments that will make this wedding more memorable than most.

Firstly, it was one of those weddings that almost didn't happen. [keeping it intentionally vague here just in case someone knows or doesn't know of the situation]

The in-fighting between the strong personalities of the families of the bride and groom (and amongst themselves) is the stuff legends are made of.

The groom comes from a well-respected highly connected family (who has a jewelry business as one of their endeavors) and the bride is currently working for a different high-profile jewelry store. As we were exiting the hall, I stood in line behind the bride's store-chain owner and heard him introduce himself to others. It was as if he expected to be recognized and commanded respect by his name alone, but I had no idea who this diminutive man was at the time. Good thing I was respectful and didn't have any off-the-cuff remarks to say.

When asking one of the younger rabbis if there was a particular side of the hall to be seated on, he totally misinterpreted and didn't get the bride/groom connotation, but rather commented that it appeared to be mixed (meaning men and women together) seating and so it shouldn't be an issue. That was amusing - only because of his complete innocence in that it wasn't the question that was being asked of him. But, to be fair, he has a brand spanking new baby at home (like less than a few months old) and so his sleep quotient is likely low at this particular moment in time. Added to the fact that this guy is noted as being particularly jovial for the most part, this could have been an ill-received joke on his part. Either way, it was amusing and I managed to smile about it to myself after we took leave of his presence.

The honors at the wedding were also heavily rabbi oriented. 2 rabbis as witness, one rabbi to read out the ketubah in Hebrew while the officiating rabbi re-summarized it in English. Several of the community rabbis were asked to read sheva brachot with the rest of the honors going to the groom's uncles (Were the bride or groom's father or brothers ever an option here?). The bride did her rotations while being helped by her MIL (to be), her mother AND her step-mother. It was quite a sight when she thought she was going to lose her veil because her mother in law inadvertently had grabbed hold of it along with the train of her dress. If looks could kill!

Strong personalities abound in both these families and in the couple. Their honey-moon trip to some exotic locale is postponed because of passport issues and all they really need to do at this point is get away from all family and friends who think they know what is best for them.

They really just need a chance to get used to living with each other's quirks.

UPDATE: My husband spoke to them two days after the wedding and they are "busy" being newlyweds - Thanks G-d and it is all behind them for now.
I hope they take the advice of the rabbis that were present...
We may or may not still host a sheva brachos reception for them if they want it. Where am I gonna find liabtions to do a l'chaim in my tea-totaller house? - we just aren't big drinkers (anymore-in my case) and give away most of the wine we get too.

Joke of the day

A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells her that the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the woman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce that's parked on the street in front of the bank.
Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls Royce into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer approaches her and says:
"We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we're a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked out your accounts and found that you were a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
"Well, where else in Manhattan can I park my car for two weeks for fifteen bucks?"

6

In honor of the END (I hope) of this year's birthday season for my first-born son who is now six. I must've blinked, cause where did the time go?

Now We Are Six - A.A. Milne
(beloved author of the well known Winnie-The-Pooh character books)

When I was One,
I had just begun.
When I was Two,
I was nearly new.
When I was Three,
I was hardly me.
When I was Four,
I was not much more.
When I was Five,
I was just alive.
But now I am Six,
I'm as clever as clever,
So I think I'll be six now
for ever and ever.

Slimmer who was 'too fat for surgery' sheds half her body weight to save NHS £20,000

For all of us who are struggling with losing weight of any magnitude - I found this article to be truly inspiring. She didn't decide to do it for her daughter or for her family, she chose to lose the weight because she was in constant pain and it has made a world of difference in her outlook on life.

I myself am almost at the weight she was when she started - and I can only blame so much of it on my twin pregnancy. Currently, I am heavier than I have EVER been and I am exhausted a lot of the time. I catch myself breathing hard while not even doing any strenuous activity and it scares the life out of me. I HATE that I am like this right now.

How am I supposed to chase after my 2 little ones if I can barely move myself off the couch. And it is only going to get worse as the pregnancy progresses - I almost wish I might get a touch of morning sickness so I wouldn't be so hungry all the time.

I want to do something about this situation NOW!
Surely there are things a high risk pregnant lady can do to slow the weight gain and keep me off bed rest in the future. I am disgusted with myself and want to get started NOW so it won't be so hard later in the long run.

All suggestions and comments are greatly appreciated.