obstruction

Never a fun word to hear from a medical practioner and not one you want to hear in conjunction with bowel or any part of the human body that expells waste.
Thank goodness the one that we were concerned about in our extended family managed to find a way to work itself out, sparing the patient and all involved a nasty bout with surgery.
It is most obvious that she does not have the "pissy poor protoplasm" that plagues those of my blood relatives - wherein if there is to be a problem to be found, we will rewrite the book on it.
For example, with Jonathan the moment they brought up surgery as a final option, I started wondering how long it would be till we did that and after about 2 weeks, I started to get antsy to get on with it already so we could get on with our lives.
Funny that it may be, I ran into his pulmonologist just yesterday at our ourdoor block party, who re-admitted him to the hospital after the intial pneumonia. She wanted to know where he was (just so she could keep tabs on him I'm sure) and being the wonderful mother that I am I answered "I dunno"
You see I was late in arriving to the party after my nap and redressing the twins.
So I really had no idea, but it was likely that he was jumping around in the bounce house or climbing the rock wall or otherwise enjoying himself in the spring weather.
So you see, when I overheard the flamboyant XRay tech (who explained everything on Jonathan's films to me-and even got a dig in at the original dr about using a smaller tube rather than a more effective one-this was my favorite tech for sure!) nonchalantly chat about my son's case with the surgeon outside the elevator after it was all over, in one of those medical term kinda ways...you know that it is obvious that Jonathan, just like his grandmother and his great grandmother and his mother before him, re-wrote the manual on how his body works.
They told me to expect him to be intubated in recovery, he was not and his oxygen levels barely ever dipped below 90 even with the "obstruction"
Here's a hearty Hooray that the current obstruction was able to mostly work itself out and that we won't have any more of that anytime soon.
And its a good thing our ppp isn't catchy. My mother's best friend had a 7 cm obstruction removed from her nether regions. The prognosis on the biopsies was not good, but my mom is going in for some hand holding and meetings with doctors in the next few weeks since she understands the lingo and the severity of the situation much better than the one who is going through it. Not a good year for that family as the patriarch shattered his hip in a fall on a slick porch stair.
Guess these things come in 3s and now we're done!

June Cleaver

upon re-reading my Itamar post that was hastily pecked out and has now undergone 2 revisions for clarity. I found this nugget of wisdom. This about sums up my current state of affairs:

• I'm a June Cleaver, albeit it with an outside the home, FT J-O-B in a downtown office building, but my mind is filled with-and therefore I'm talking-about raising kids and Japanese nuclear horrors in the same POST as ANOTHER terrorist attack in Israel dammit! SIGH!***

I just have to laugh. I am not a very GOOD June Cleaver since my house is constantly in a state of chaos-just ask my husband-it drives him NUTS. But the point was, that I focus more on my family and I am most definitely not a Holly Homemaker except when the mood strikes me to get in the kitchen. Then I can bake or cook or whatever for days at a time, but just don't expect me to have dinner on the table every night at 6.

I am constantly on the computer, for hours at a time at the office, and sometimes I come home and want to be connected too. I follow friends and cooking blogs and jewish stuff and all of it is relevant to the jigsaw puzzle person that I am. [wish I could claim that this is my art work. I found it here]

more musings

so my Itamar post from earlier this week was still a work in progress as far as helping to solidify my views on the matter.

yesterday, when picking up E I literally jumped down his throat. I guess its not fair to take out my frustrations on where I am on him, but he was an easy target and was totally unprepared for my barrage.

All the hard issues I want him to realize that we are in a different position now than when we left Israel. Granted I left in a bad way. I was DONE. I was going through my first pregnancy alone (my mother and other family were in Texas) and it was a difficult pregnancy at that. Ignorance is bliss - I didn't know it was that bad even, though I was hospitalized 3 different times for observation because of high BP [which still plagues me today] and had bi-weekly clinic appointments complete with urine-protein checks, fetal baby monitoring, ultrasounds with doppler to see and hear the heartbeat of the baby. Thank G-d it was all worth it in the end, but I somehow blindly knew everything was ok, and I realize now that E needed to go through the journey of asking all the rabbunim to pray for the safety of his unborn child who had some potentially catastrophic virus in-vitro.

So I left with a small teaching job that he had arranged for me (less than 10 hrs a week) and he is concerned that I will go back to that low point in my life. That is why I ended up leaving Israel. And that my mother's cancer diagnosis was in the next few months was a really stong coincidence, but that is how my life works. I just knew it was time to come back to TX. I am not 100% sure that the time is right to move back to Israel for me and my family, but the first draft rumblings and warning signs are coming into view.

on their recent trip here, the in-laws and their myriad issues weighed heavily on my mind and on my heart. These are truly simple, down to earth, small town, muddle through life without pretention people, who probably never thought they would travel to America and have now been twice to see their son and maybe more importantly their grandchildren. Now they are not extremely healthy people (nor are my parents, for different reasons, who are maybe 10 or more years their senior) and the fact that we are so far away has been extra difficult on them. The internet is almost foreign to them so even a Skype chat with us has to be at the home of one of the many relatives.
The vast distance and the fact that my mother in law can not readily see her son and grandchildren is becoming more and more of an issue. She calls literally every day and if she does not speak to her son she is not calm till she can reach him or get me word that she is looking for him. They dote on their other grandchild (which is a whole other set of issues) and would love to have all their grandchildren grow up and play together as that is the heart of the culture.

This added to the fact that E is not overly happy with the way things are going here is a big factor. I know he needs to make a trip to Israel, but he is not willing to do so in his current state and this is a vicious cycle.
He is not aware of all the support systems that exist as an anglo oleh. Having been there once and not having completely gotten it out of my system, I know that these things exist and the networks are different even than when I was a single girl as opposed to a wife and mother with small children. which was part of my railing at him yesterday. He has goals and numbers in his head that may or may not be realistic and I think he needs to be made aware of some of the other options that are out there that he is completely oblivious to. He still watches his Israeli TV almost every night and will always and forever be the Israeli he is (see these former posts for proof) Why should he continue to be miserable here amongst things that have no real meaning to us other than an expensive roof over our heads.
His boss recently moved his whole family back to live in Ceasaria in a villa overlooking the sea close to Israel's only golf course. Obviously this would not be the kind of life that we would choose to live. We are living now in a Jewish bubble of sorts. Our kids thankfully go to private school with much financial assistance. Maybe a prolonged visit to Israel would make me see things in a different light. The more things change the more they stay the same. My summer trip felt very comfortable, albeit not in the right medium. My time was not enough of my own and I was forced to some things that were not of my liking.

flower picking

Now that I have yesterday's ranting out of my system, I can refocus on the fact that my kiddos are absolutely scrumptious!

The weeds we try so very hard to eradicate from our lawns, the ones that make little flowers that spread their pollen to further populate the weed garden, are the very flowers that my munchkins have been enjoying.

The love to pick the flowers and bring me sweaty bunches of pure and innocent pleasure. The pleasure of bringing me the flowers (which they think are the most beautiful thing in the world for their mommy)

The joy they get in going out and finding every last bloom in the yard and proudly announcing that I am now the proud recipient of ALL the flowers in the yard.
It is such a childish thing to do - to have the joy in picking flowers for your favorite people.
The best part is that when they have too many to hold they improvise. Instead of a basket they have used a coffee cup or even most recently the blue bucket we would normally use to mop the floor. And then when their friends came over for a visit, the 4 of them were in the yard, eradicating all the helpless flowers and piling them high in the bucket.
Too bad the big dog across the back fence scares Yael and her friend is seriously allergic
x

Oh to be so entertained by the garden flowers that others want to eliminate. It is what makes childhood so amazing and such a shame that it is but a fleeting memory before they move on to other more important and crucial things like homework and reading.

Itamar and Monday Musings

So I heard about the slaying of the 5 memebers of the Israeli family that chose to make their home in Itamar. Eran mentioned it in passing, asking nochalantly if I had heard about the "pigua*" that his mom had just told him about. Since I tend to shy away from the computer over the weekend when I prefer to spend my time coddling my babies who won't be babies for long, and clamoring over my daughter who will forever be my little princess even as I watch her grow before my eyes, and "fighting" with the choices of shows my oldest chooses to watch -from annoying Spongebob to annoying sports (esp basketball), but in the same breath explaining how I prefer basesball, and that it drives his dad crazy just like the basketball drives me nuts.
But back to the tragedy at hand. I feel like that is so far away from my world - but it is not just because I am completely tied up in baby-land. I feel like I am so far removed from that part of the current conflict. I feel (and this admission in hard for me to make) that maybe the "settlers" were asking for it - not this kind of murderous event, but by choosing to make their home in the place that they made it fenced off from their completly surrounded by hostile neighbors - I can't even beleive I am typing this sentence much less thinking it, since that is probably what the rest of the uniformed world feels about Israel being surrounded by Arab neighbors that are now in turmoil since we are living in these "cursed interesting" times. ***

***Note: It is also because I am a news junkie. I was really sick of hearing about the Charlie Sheen antics and cannot bear to watch the devestation in Japan including all the impending horrors that are on the horizon with the nuclear meltdown looming-did I just wake up and find myself in 1950? I'm a June Cleaver, albeit it with an outside the home, FT J-O-B in a downtown office building, but my mind is filled with-and therefore I'm talking-about raising kids and Japanese nuclear horrors in the same POST as ANOTHER terrorist attack in Israel dammit! SIGH!***

And until I read this, (several hours later ) and came back to this post to "finish" it,
I was pretty indifferent about the whole thing. Then I realized how it was to be in her shoes - the women who choose to build their homes and raise their children in such a place. They would rather think of themselves as the pioneering spirit of today's generation - ones that will face the brunt of the fight and rely on their enourmous faith in Hashem to keep them from harm's way.

some of the more recent posts I have seen have alluded to the fact that perhaps the whole disgusting incident was a result of a foreign worker not getting his salary and that the Fogel family was somehow responsible for not properly compensating their help. If that is truly a motivator and I am not convinced that it is, isn't it more likely that the man would still want to see his money and would more likely resort to petty sabotage and other misdemeanors of the same ilk. He would want the family to pay in money and not in blood.

The fact that there have not been many incidents that have come to light in the past few months, years or however long ago the last event was does not diminsh the fact that the danger is always there in the back of the minds of the people who live there. The PA claims that their "citizens" are banned from entering the yishuvim, but clearly what took place was not carried out by a law-abiding citizen of any nature. Just typing this out and really lettting the words flow from my fingers is more about clarifying my positions and my way of thinking than my over-tired, sleep-deprived, dis-engaged confused brain can actually manage.

I was disgusted with myself. Why was I not able to muster up the usual and natural feelings of solidarity and "how horrible", etc until I hunted - and I choose to use the word hunted here - because it wasn't enough for my brain to know the images were readily available and then to leave well enough alone. The original sites that I turned to made mention of the disturbing images and made concerted efforts not to display them or make it too easy to stumble across them. I had to make a concerted effort on my part to find a site that displayed a link to them, and then at that point I had to really decide to look at the images after I clicked. It was literally a 3 step process. 1. Know they exist somewhere within reach, 2. find a site that had the link to the images (and in doing that research I was exposed to other interesting sites and other points of view that inadvertently broadened my horizons - Steven Amsel and Pam Gellar were unknown to me before today) 3. press the link which opened another small window which I had to choose to enlarge to view. This last step was the hardest.  I literally turned my head away from the screen as I glimpsed the first view of the small window that only showed a part of a sleeve. 
In the end I looked and the reaction was what I used to be able to come up with all on my own without needing the violent images to prompt it. It makes me wonder about the person I have morphed into and whether I want to encourage this somewhat more laid-back outlook or be horrified by the fact that I needed a journey to get to the place where I once was.

*Usually "pigua" to me means a bombing. I know the literal translation is something like terrorist attack, but in my mind the first jump is to bombing and then when I hear the details I categorize it appropriately. This attack in Itamar has many (too many) causualties and in my mind it is classified as a senseless murder - no matter of who carried it out. Babies and small children can not make the choice to live where they do and so are of course the innocent victims. The Fogels made the choices that were right for their family and that is their right to be able to do so. I, however, would not necessarily knowingly put my kids in that particular kind of danger on a daily basis. This is something that is a hard issue for me to struggle with as well. I know that we ultimately want to live in Eretz Yisrael, but in a place that my Americanized children will feel comfortable adapting to.

Another interesting thing is the offhanded remark made by another new mother who I know from a meeting or two at the supermarket and as the guidance counsellor at the HS part of my oldest's school. She mentioned that they had just come off of a recent trip to Israel to scope things out. She has a small baby (maybe 3 months old) and 4 or more other kids in tow. This was one thing  - that if we are really considering a move to Israel at this point, then a pilot trip is a natural progression. Another family I know who has 3 boys (and the head of the family is a lawyer-ie they're not hurting for $$$) made a stab at a year-long stay in Israel and the experiment was over after the summer citing money as the #1 issue. But back to the offhand remark...After asking if I hadn't gotten Israel out of my system having lived there previuosly and my emphatic, no pause answer of no, that every day is literally a struggle for us, she said that it is really easier to move as a family if you move with another family or more of a support group. Much food for thought!

who do they think they are?

May I be somewhat controversial for a moment...and perhaps rain the wrath of the more wealthier Jews than I, upon me.
Last summer - July 2009 (not this past summer when I gave birth to the most smunchable little twinnie babies you've ever met) I went on a "Mission" trip to Israel. Being of the Jewish persuasion, that moniker did not sit well with me but I was so excited to be part of a cheap trip to Israel. Needless to say it was not what I expected and there were a lot of things that did not sit well with me.
One of those things was the constant bombardment of us for money for various hand-picked charities.
We went to an army base - let's support this one soldier support organization and not even the one that provides the lone soldiers a connection...
we went to see the new Aish Building in Jerusalem overlooking the Western Wall = a modern day construction that could be construed as a temple of its own since there will be lots of learning Torah going on there and the location is prime real estate overlooking one of the holiest spots on earth. Let's see how fast we can open our checkbooks to give to this enormous monumental obelisk at the corner of the western wall plaza. This one really has me hot!
Who do they think they are? No matter how much good outreach the Aish people are responsible for, this building is like an ivory tower, a testament to the fact that they have the funds to build such a temple. Sure there will be plenty of learning and probably a good deal of brainwashing moldable minds as well, but will the learning promote only one way of thinking and maybe not true outreach. I for one was not comfortable in such a lavish (or what was supposed to become lavish when it is completed) ostentatious showy place. Somehow, visiting the amazing artists galleries in tzfat (where they were way outside my price range) followed by the wonders of the kotel plaza just didn't speak to me except to say, please give me your money. Bad taste in my mind and in my mouth. Much prefered the little time I had with (both old and new)friends in chic coffee houses or quaint restauarnts overlooking the countryside.

totally schleeping nachas

This is the last minute reminder for the big event of the semester, where my first grader gets up with his classmates and does the song and dance number for us parents to kvell over. And at the end of it all they get their very own siddur with an inscription from Mommy and Abba and a one-of-a-kind, mommy-designed book cover so that it doesn't get messed up in all the trials and tribulations of the daily life of an elementary school-book. This thing has been so hyped, and I have covered enough boxes in brown butcher paper after all the kids have gone off to bed (more than 10 of the required 22), that I think I have built half of their Kotel.[For the Chanukah party, which incidentally coincided with the last day of the book fair, I was in tears watching the little ones get up and recite their parts - I'm such a sap] (totally bringing my box of tissues in from the car!)

Piano Bar

The hopeless romantic in me wants to think that this piano (click here for the story) was lovingly transported to the highest point of the sandbar for an amazing marriage proposal for some lucky lady or maybe just to serenade the fish.
Aren't I silly :)
In any case, I'd like to think the piano is getting to see some beautiful hand-painted sunrises and sunsets that I like to tell my kids that G-d paints just for us to enjoy every day. What a view over the water, at least from the picture in the story.
And I hope it doesn't get ruined by the elements...Maybe someone should waterseal the wood. can't fathom what to do about the insides though...

Party of 4, 6...8, 10, 13 - oh I give up!

We went to San Antonio over the winter break when all the kids were off. It was just far enough away to require an overnight stay so we could do all the fun things we wanted to do and not far enough to make the drive there unbearable (like to say Florida a few years ago)

Well when I say WE let me be a little more specific. We means my immediate family of 2 adults and two kids, plus two more babies. And then the grandparents...both sets - since the ones from Israel are a part of the household right now. So make that 4 more adults. Then unbeknownst to us, the Austin crew came to join us for a late lunch with their adorable Elliot (who is almost 7 weeks old now) so that makes 2 more adults and another baby added to the mix.

Needless to say, we ditched the small crowded deli (intentions were good, but logistics, not so much) which would have made everything and everyone uncomfortable anyway [ham/deli and cheese sandwiches aside, the whole place was just cramped for all of us large-boned people and then add in a couple of bulky baby strollers] so we moseyed our way to a more spacious place where we still had to break off into two groups to keep things manageable (and civil - because at this point there were simmering issues that still needed to be addressed).

And to top things off, we were down near the Dome where later in the day there was a nationally televised college football matchup between Oklahoma and Arizona (orange vs red and black) and there was a sea of people crowding all the places. Not especially good to start with for my sporadic claustrophobic panic attacks usually triggered when I get overloaded off the energy of so many people.

Forgetting that Israeli antiquities are thousands of years old, and the Alamo only dates from the 1800s plus its story deals with a Christian mission that was converted into a fort, needless to say, the trip to the Alamo was anti-climactic, even with the explanation cleverly provided by my father that the Alamo was the Texan version of Massada.



Of course to keep things interesting, there was the requisite drama accompanying large a family trip...this one not speaking to that one, mad at everyone in sight and then to top it all off, a huge scene [screaming in Hebrew] in front of the Alamo with hundreds of confused Americans staring at this lady who was screaming in tongues....

And then there was the next day trip to Sea World's Christmas extravaganza. That should have been my first clue. We rode the Shamu Express roller coaster (for kids) and then Yael was barely big enough to ride the Journey to Adventure (or whatever it was called) where we were warned in the waiting line signage that "You will get wet!" And we all did! And it was cool because the boat thing turned 360 degress in the air and we got a great view of the huge parking lot and all of sea world.We did also see 3 shows the Shamu Miracle show, Seasame Street Christmas and Azul, the perfect choice for our finale.

Of course there was drama there too. First off, Yoni got a little too big for his britches and flitted between the boys and the girls at the Sesame Street show. So of course each team thought that he was with the other and he got lost for a good 10 minutes as we all scrambled to find each other at the end of the show. And Safta had a miniture fainting spell, but it didn't worry the kids too much as we were already sitting down for an ice cream break as it was. As usual they were reluctant to get professional medical help since she is now under doctor supervision at home, we let her have some water, collect herself and we sat for a few minutes more as we finished the ice cream treats. We took some pics and I actuall bought the picture from the adventure ride since we 4 sat in the same row and it looked as if I was waving specifically to the camera - which was not the case I was waving to the fraidy cats from Israel that wouldn't join us on our ride...

holiday poem

To the diligent daycare workers who take care of our babies while we are at work during the day.... to be rolled up like a graduation diploma scroll and attached with curling ribbon to their gift
(full text of poem below)

As a little babe in arms
You’ve been graced by all our charms

You help to keep us clean and dry
And put up with all our cries

Here’s a gift, just for you
A great big THANKS for all you do

There’s a candle jar to light the way
And chase away the long, hard day
A sweet aroma will fill the air
Just to show how much we care

Snuggle up in the blanket to warm yourself
And be reminded of those squirming elves
Who eagerly greet you every day
As you help them grow and laugh and play

Some sweets for you to enjoy with grace
Just a small way to put a smile on your face

We hope you love our giggles and grins
Happy Holidays from the Namer Twins
With Love – Daniel and Benjamin

activation

sorry for having to do it, but I have been getting a lot of span comments on some older posts so I have activated the word verification feature. Don't let that deter my loyal following of your commenting duties.

Gratitude Jounal: revisited

Got some interesting spam comments on a post from about a year ago.
Realized that I haven't looked back in awhile and looked at that post again.
Upon re-reading, it was, as usual, something positive that Eran had done to keep things in perspective for me. That is especially important at this juncture since he is so testy about certain things right now (our health, family, money) and how we are strapped financially to meet our regualr obligations in a timely manner.
At least he is not sullen about them as he has been in the past. This time to his credit he is not mulling over things silently in a funk, but rather discussing them daily with me in rather heated discussions that get everything out in the open and vented. And it is not even really arguing because we are in agreement on most of the things but just annoyed that things are out of our control for the most part and we just have to get over it and get on with our lives.

In any case, to keep things positive I want to show gratitude for 5 things for the next few days if I can manage it so here is installment #1:
1. We are both gainfully employed if not doing our dream job, but at least something that will provide for our families
2. Our family is growing by people and friends - both our immediate family and those we have become close to recently
3. I am grateful for the chaos that IS managing the lives of our children including playdates, teacher conferences and holiday programs that they work hard to produce for us
4. My job has allowed me to learn a new skill in coding invoices which is not necessarily transferrable in this state, but that it something else that I now know how to do in any situation once I learn the codes...Maybe I'll take a night job in medical billing for some extra cash - I used to do freelance copy editing and I miss that extra $$$ for what is essentially an easy task for me
***PHONE CALL***
5. Having an extended family that is willing to help run car-pool and basically raise my children so that I can continue to work a full -time job in order to provide a roof over their heads.

***Now I'm not as happy as I should have been. In the middle of witing this post, I was grilled about our financial status by my better half. Would that I could give him a better report so that he could come back down off the ledge...

more strange coincidences

I am already well aware that my first-born Jonathan is a special gift and a special child.
He was diagnosed with a condition (CMV) in-vitro, that was confirmed via amnioscentises, that could have had potentially dangerous life-altering outcomes including severe birth defects or learning disorders or deafness onset in childhood. In my deepest depths I knew that everything would be ok, but the doctor appointments where they explained all the possibilities really gave my husband pause and he went out into the world scared. He then somehow found himself working for extra money at the time at a swimming pool in an ultra-orthodox neighborhood where the hours for swimming were separate. He met the esteemed Rabbi Pesach F there who performed our wedding (who when I went to kallah classes in Har Nof she pulled one of his books off her bookshelf) And at the time I was pregnant with J he asked for blessings and prayers from all the Rabbbis and other religious people he saw there, feeling that their extra blessings would make things turn out ok.
Still struggling with the idea that we were blessed to raise a set of twin boys as well as Jonathan, my first born boy and my special princess Yael (who's name is a perfect fit for her), I was fiddling with Jewish birthdate calculator online.
In addition to beating the odds that he would suffer from one or all of the terrible things the doctors were predicting since he was confirmed to carry this virus, the same doctors who suggested that I consider terminating the pregnancy (Are you kidding me? This was my first pregnancy, thery were being overly cautious, and I KNEW all would turn out ok), Jonathan was born in the holy city of Jerusalem, on a Saturday (being born on Shabbat has some special significance I have been told), on the day BEFORE a leap year (could you imagine denying a kid a birthday except once every 4 years?), and he was born umla'ah (with a partial brit) which is also a special significance (so I am told) Being that he was a first born boy and my first pregnacy, he would have had a pidyon ben celebration after a month, but since my father is a Levi, meaning that his family served the cohenim and therefore my son was not to be bought back - he is the grandson of a Levi after all...
As if this was not enough special-ness for one child. February is a busy month for us celebration-wise since my husband was born on the 15th, Americans celebrate valentine's day on the 14th, and Jonathan was born on the 28th. I was fiddling around with the Hebrew birthday calendar. And it turns out that Jonathan and Eran share the same parshat ha shavua - Terumah, the first week of Adar. These are the kind of signs from above that some people don't take the time to notice. I notice, but I just don't get the full significance of these celstial "coincidences" because I feel inferior learning-wise since I don't devote my entire life to it. When I am in my family mode, it is all I think about, My work and family pieces of my life can not and do not overlap. Once I arrive at the office I am who I am (albeit a hard worker and a little outta place as the only Jew in the company) Once I leave the premesis, I become super mama bear and hope that I will get back to the other side of town to get the babies and not disappoint them. At this stage, I am more about hoping I get there on time so that the day care lady can go home to her family. Then I go get the "big kids" and am assaulted at the door with hugs and kisses (the best end to the day) and then its home again and off to bed!

4

Sunday was Yaeli's 4th birthday and the twins are both 4 months old.
The theme of 4 comes in 3s and 7 are the days of the week
(shabbat is the 7th day of creation)
Deep Thoughts before my usually rushed Tuesday morning staff meeting.
That is alll.

anthem

So my oldest son is OBSESSED with sports. I don't know how this phenomenon came about but I will admit that I might have sparked an interest when I received comp tickets to a few baseball games and slyly convinced my dad that he should take the kids. Of course I had no idea that it would blossom into such an addiction. He will avidly watch and be totally consumed by baseball, football, soccer, basktball, car racing, bull riding and just about anything that has a color announcer giving commentary.

One of my favorite memories is when he had a play date at our house with the Rabbi's son who when I spoke to his mother I convinced her to let him come over to watch the SuperBowl since I had ordered a party package from Bnei Akiva and that there would be no issue of not having kosher enough food for him to eat.

Recently we were watching one of the games of the World Series. But let me back-track by explaining that over the summer he went to see another Astros game with his day camp where he received a paper schedule of the season's games. That ragged piece of paper was like his bible. And he got upset when it got torn on the seams from overuse (I dilligently taped it back together for him like a good mama). He checked it daily, numerous times a day to see when his beloved Astros were playing and where. And our lives were scheduled around when he could be home to see the opening pitch (even though he was aware that there are at least 9 innings to watch) And one day I made the mistake (maybe?) of showing him how to access the Astros website on the computer from a search engine (I can explain it as a learning experinece since he had to know how to spell and to type the letters) so that occasionally he would want to use the computer to see the previous game's score or the see when they were scheduled if the paper scehdule had gotten misplaced.

So back to the original story at hand...
We were at home one evening recently and about to watch one of the final games of the World Series. Well we were absently (so I thought) watching the pre-game activities around dinner time and somehow at the appropriate appointed time the national anthem came on. I have to say that it was a priceless moment to watch my son stand solemnly at attention at his little table in front of the TV and sing HaTikva with all his heart while the Star Spangled Banner was emitting from the television. Eran and I exchanged glances and tried to conceal our kvelling and our mirth and merriment. Jonathan was the recipient of some extra hugs and hair ruffling that day :)

Thank you for your attention. Now you may return to your regularly scheduled activities.

MESS

Sick babies can still make their notable milestones.
Took off on Wed to take Baby Benjamin to the dr since his cough made him sound so miserable. Poor thing has a conformed virus combined with ear infection needing antibiotics. And apparently lots of antibotics. 3.5 ml twice a day for such a small thing (he's 12 lbs 7.5 oz as of his weigh in) And last night he did it - he deliberately turned over to reach for his sister's toy that she had placed within his reach, Of course his arm got stuck underneath him and he got frustrated and cried, but he did it! And he has been stretching in his bouncy chair to the right side for a few days now so much so that I am now FORCED to strap him in so I don't have to worry that he will fall out from straining to get out on that side.
I dressed them alike on purpose for the first time this AM. It was Halloween celebration at their day care and I had already bought the cute little pirate sleeper pajamas with matching hats for them. So I put them in it. And did they look cute or what. Pics to come.

I probably should mention my recent health scares just to document it for my future self. The day we went to pick up our lulav and etrog (the Sunday after Yom Kippur) I was boouncing around and playing with the kids and the next thing I know the room tilted and I got even dizzier and I knew that I was about to pass out. So I promptly sat down on the floor so I wouldn't FALL down and really cause some injury.  Then I soemhow found a nearby chair and pulled that over.
I checked my BP at work the following day and it was high (155/105) I was in to see the doctor later that week. HE put me back on BP meds and did the requisite bloodwork that would confirm what we both already knew - that I needed to be back on cholesterol medication as well.
Well fine and good. I  went back on the BP meds and he called me back to the office for test results. Not good. Cholestorol meds stat and also more BP med since it was still higher than he wanted and there was more than a trace of protein in my urine. I survived the pregnancy but my body is still paying the price apparently.
Well somehow, I took the meds as I should for a week or two and then managed to lose one of the prescription bottles in my house. The kids didn't find it, I just can't remember which of my hiding places I put it. This because I thought I had SWITCHED BP medication, not added to it.
Then last week, my body rebelled and good. Don't forget we had thrown a shower at my house Oct 2, we went out of town to a wedding in Shreveport and I had traded in my new-to-me car for a new one since they couldn't accommodate the 8 seats we had insisted upon but it was still a hassle and an unexpected expense (never putting cash money down on a new car again!) And of course the deal we got was really a take it or leave it, one time, one of a kind, situation where they "tried" to bend over backwards for us since it wasn't our fault, but somehow my payments still went up and I feel like I got screwed out of my extras....
So we were slated to be on the road again to Austin - half the amount of time as the previous weekend trip, but yet again a weekend on the road - when my body rebelled. I had the worst headache combined with nausea that I have ever had. So much so that it literally had me in tears. And I was stuck at my office. Literally. Because I was NOT about to get on the road in that condition and put myself and all the other drivers out there in danger that I would pass out and kill someone (or myself). Somehow I remembered to check my BP and the numbers were off the charts. Like astronomically. ie nearing stroke levels and higher than some of the numbers my mother was posting when she was hospitalized earlier this year for the very same thing.  180/130 was about the highest. And I couldn't get it to go down cause I felt like shit and couldn't calm myself down. This was on a Thursday I believe. Supposed to go to the party in Austin on Sunday. Didn't go on Friday as planned. Took some time to rest and relax in my own bed.

Back on all the meds now and daily I feel the effects. When I do measure my BP it is in the reasonable range. However, I have all kinds of side effects that may or may not go away, I am flushed regularly, I can feel tingling in my feet. Sometimes it feels like my ears are bleeding (or at least that something is dripping from the ear canal) and most recently, I have a tinny sensation on the tip of my tounge and the sneaking suspicion that I will be having the notable cough that is one of the familiar side effects of one of the medications. My question is when do I know if the medicine is working as it should and if the side effects are the trade off I need to have or if they are an impediment?

And there was other news at the dr that we didn't want to hear, but since it is not just my story, I will save it for another time.
Meanwhile, Jonathan and Yael have been challenging to raise lately, too. Jonathan's reading struggles are still a problem and require extra effort on his part and mine, but the glasses are definitely helping. Yael increasingly wants to be the center of everyone's attention. When I get home, Jonathan still has some homework to do and I want to nurse the babies to relieve the tension from me but also so they still get the benefit of being nursed from me, since the pumping is much messier, harder and much less efficient.

I really need to figure out a way to take down my stress levels so that I don't have a stroke or a heart attack, but I really just want my kids to be happy with me and each other. I'm lucky if I remember to put on deodorant and clean clothes everyday.

maternal overdrive

Can I tell you, dear readers that I am more in love with my babies every day. I love to kiss their little noggins every time I pick them up (from the floor, from the car seat, from their bed, from day care) And it doesn't usually bother me to have baby spit up all over my shirt (however for some odd reason I don't like to sit on it or wear bottoms that have been spit up upon)

It also helps that they are at the smiley stage when they recognize certain familiar faces with smiles, coos and gurgles. G-d knew what he was doing when he made babies especially cute because after hours of contending with a colicy, gassy baby (and in my case, it is usually one at a time) there is always the reward of a cooing smiling helpless little being who you know will never remember any of this down the line.

Recently, one of my co-workers was telling me how his wife would frequently remind their children of the timeless hours she spent rocking the night away with them, To me that seems like part and parcel of the job of being a parent and not something that you should have to remind your children of the time that you sacrificed for them (or anything else you sacrificed for them-can anyone remind me what a vacation is?), Could it be a different cultural point of view or is it just my maternal hormones on overdrive that are talking?

Middle Names

Dear reader:
THIS POST IS STILL IN PROCESS, NEEDS TO BE FLUSHED OUT BETTER

Middle Names
(article)

Name Songs:
Battle Hymn of the Republic - Jonathan/Yoni
La-la-la-la-la-la - Yael
"Nickname" [La Cucaracha] - Yaeli-La-La
Row, row, row your boat - Daniel (or Ben)
Three Blind Mice - Benjamin (or Daniel)

This way they know their names and it is a fun way to sing even more songs with them and to have something special that is all their own.

Heigh ho

Dear reader:
THIS POST IS STILL IN PROCESS, NEEDS TO BE FLUSHED OUT BETTER

So its's back to work for me today. I got to see the kids settled in at their respective schools and then I don't get to do carpool anymore.
Yael is a mess and clingy and cranky and hungry and shreik-y all the time.
Change is hard on her and there have been a lot of changes: Day camp ended and she moved to camp mommy. school started and then mommy went back to work.
That's four separate changes to her schedule in the past month - plus she desperately wants to give up her nap, but she is not ready to do so!

kids independence

Read today about a celeb who was afraid to let her 16 yr old daughter go off on a plane to visit a friend for two weeks. Something aboutworrying over her and not being able to have her be gone for that long. I am SO not that kind of mother. I CHOSE to send my six year old to an out and about day camp where I willingly put him in the care of other teenagers (the counselors for the most part are pretty young), put him on a bus and send him out into the world to do fun things. My rationale is partly that this summer is already so crazy with the birth and the newborns and the exhaustion of the parents and the integration of the grand-parent carpool train that he might as well have FUN. And the places he is going are things I could never do on my own with him to such a degree and he is having a blast. I could have chosen to send him to arts and craft camp all day or gymnastics or something indoors at the center (like his little sister), but in this case, I feel like I am giving him the opportunity to be an adventurer (in a somewhat controlled environment) and explore what it is to do these things that he would not otherwise have the opportunity to do (movies, ball parks, fun kid places that I've never even heard of before). I actually did choose to send him to gymnastics camp for the middle part of the summer, but he got carried away in the spirit of the specialties camp where he spent the first part of the summer and instead, he chose to stay there with one of his friends and do a bunch of different activities that he got to choose on his own (lots of sports instead of art or music which I would have picked).
This independence is something that I am actually trying to cultivate in him, and reminds me of some of the choices that I have made for myself...(Israel, train station TA to Jerusalem, leaving Kenes) My choices may not have been the best ones at the time, or may have had been hard, but they were ALL mine and they all had actions and reactions that came from making those choices. It's taken me an adulthood to be this innocently independent. Yoni can do it with innocence in his youth with only his own results.