guilt and frustration

My youngest Ben was Shabbat Abba this week. I dutifully appeared at the class half an hour early because I heard quarter after 11 instead of quarter to 12. So around 11:40 the Shabbat Ima's family (the Topeks-who I grew up knowing and whose older daughter is also the same age as my daughter) started showing up. First the momma (who also joined her daughter on the carpet on the floor) Then the dad and then the grandparents. We were all there in time for a song or two, and then the whole Shabbat Party parade, and of course the unpacking and consuming of the lunch.

So after Ben's lunch got underway, I found myself hanging out in the office debating with myself if I should go visit Daniel in his class since I had spent the better part of an hour with Ben in his class. Even consulted the head mistress and secretary on their thoughts. Knowing my child (Daniel and his unpredictable OCD or clingy tendencies) and them knowing their particular staff personalities, we agreed that it was probably better that I didn't go in to say "hi" since they had already started their lunch. Then one of Daniel's teachers popped in the office and saw me standing there. She causally mentioned in that condescending way of hers that it was "too bad" that I hadn't come in to their class earlier since Daniel was the Shabbat Abba today. My heart fell...

Not only was I the only one who showed up for Ben when ALL the adults in the other girl's family showed up, NO ONE had showed up for Daniel. Not one single person. And to make matters worse, I was already present and available, which is a lot for a working mother of 4. So I made sure Daniel didn't see me and I slinked away.

I cried in the car outside the school. I cried on the phone to my husband when I told him. I cried (and screamed in frustration) all the way to my next destination. I even cried a little bit at the bank later in the day.

So glad each class posted these pics. Same, but different...

Then my brother sent a video of his son's birthday song at his school. Super cute watching him head bang to a rendition of yom huledet sameach, but just one more thing I didn't get to do that day.

birthday wishes

• • Greg T

    Who's got a birthday today? Only the incredible Meredith T, that's who!!!

    Unlike ·  · about an hour ago · 

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      Nicole  Whoohoo!!

      57 minutes ago via mobile · Like · 1
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    Erin K

    Happy Birthday Mom!!!

    Unlike ·  · Share · about an hour ago via 

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Birthday wishes in my feed

• Brooke
  Today my girl turns 11! Happy birthday to Kaitlyn Nicole!

• Gina
  Today I want to wish my beautiful granddaughter, Kaitlyn a very Happy 11th Birthday!!

• Naomi Doyle-Madrid
  Every year on this day I remember. I remember waking up in the hospital and the drs telling us that Julie's labor was not progressing and we were going to have to do a c-section... my heart pounding at the sounds of his cries and the unbelievable love I felt when I held him. Nine years later that love is unbelievably stronger. He is our remarkable Will! Happy Birthday Will! Bring on Chuck-e-Cheese!!! — with Julie Doyle-Madrid.

• Marie to RandyHope you have a very Happy Birthday! 

first world problems

well ... since they were going to have be come back this weekend to get the tint on the car they just said to wait and get in today so I'll have everything done and the way I want it when I pick it up .... so .... after my rodeo meeting I will finally be able to pick up my car the way I want it to be .... this was the worse car buying experience that I've had!!!

So far I've spent my 12.12.12 waiting at the dealership. What was a 45 minute oil change has turned into my buying myself a new unpunctured tire for Christmas.

old school - video games

One after the other on my FaceBook page:

tattoo tributes to old-school video games

Like · · Share · 334389 · 25 minutes ago ·

propaganda

I do not like this front page image one little bit FOXNEWS. especially without a disclaimer of it's graphic nature. what if my innocent children happen to walk by the computer exactly when this pops up on the screen as I troll my various news sources? this image is inciteful propaganda and also does not take me to a happy place. I know it is purely for shock value but it needs to be buried within an article where I can choose to read it or not like most of the links to your headline articles. Not a happy mama at this moment even though I know my kids are all in school and my toddlers are with their grandparents.

landline vs cellphone

• I am so old I have actually dialed a rotary phone before! said:

Things you wouldn't say if you only used rotary phones #515. :)

• We have a variation of this as a running joke in our family. I'm driving along in the car and Eran will ask me if I know where the keys are. On a good day I smile at him. On a frazzled day, I start looking.

• Shut The Front Door said:

Remember when we all had landline phones instead of cellphones and when the phone rang everyone in the house ran to it and yelled "I'll get it" and now if a landline phone rings nobody moves because it's obvious we don't know who it is or they would call our cell phone

amud annan

I said this a few days ago in my angry post about the Israelis living in fear and having to run to bomb shelters. CNN had a professional writer do a whole piece on it on their front page of the website today:
http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2012/11/20/name-of-israels-anti-hamas-operation-has-biblical-meaning/?hpt=hp_c2

internet

Nov 16: Spent the morning at school and when I finally remembered that of course they would have wifi capabilities there, I opened my browser to find out that rockets had been fired at Jerusalem. You could have knocked me over with a feather I was so shocked.
So of course I spent the whole rest of the afternoon at work listening to the 9PM-Midnight news broadcasts from Israel that were interrupted every few minutes or more by the anchor throwing to the field reporters stationed all over the south and beyond. I think my favorite report was of the Tel Aviv bartender who was working a last shift before SHE (yes, I was shocked too) got called up tomorrow morning to report for reserve duty. And she was young and blond and most likely has a very important Army role to fulfill as she was mum on where she was headed and what she would be doing. And I didn't even know that girls got called up for Miluim. Guess because she is not married with kids and the army invested in training her (not to be a bartender, but whatever) so she is theirs for a few more years anyway.

So today I am thankful that we live in an age where I can keep up with what is going on far far away by news reports and all the broadcasts that I can stream online and not just read from a news updated crawl.

I hope everyone stays safe. and that we have a drama free weekend.

sleep

Nov 15: I am grateful for a husband who finally saw how tired I was since I took myself off to bed at 7:00. Of course I had company in the form of a sore-mouthed Yoni and a jealous Yael and a "me too" Ben child, so I didn't get much rest. But I was too tired to care and let them lay on me and entertain each other until the whining grated on my nerves. I woke up around 10 ish with knees in my side and snoring all around, so I stumbled to the kitchen and made myself some leftover noodles and cheese. I then just called it a night and slept on the couch rather than trying to make myself a space in the midst of the sleep-fest. I woke up with a sore-ish throat which means I probably need even more rest, but I have a full load today. Observing Montessori class, work, somehow getting Eran to and from the eye doctor and then remembering that he will need to pay for the exam and likely new glasses to the tune of at least a few hundred dollars. Trying to reschedule Daniel's surgery (another few hundred dollars deductible) and then dealing with my mini tummy flare this week. And that's just part of today's agenda.

BDE

Nov 14: Thankful for a G-d who knows when a person's time on this earth is done. [Spoiler: last paragraph is not about anything related to what is going on in Israel.]

• Israel made a precision strike on a wanted terrorist today and basically finally started the ball rolling on what is likely to be a casualty heavy operation on both sides Operation Amud Annan (Pillar of Defense) which may have it's origins in the story of the dual pillars that led the Israelites out of Egypt (the pillar of clouds during the day and the pillar of fire at night).
  Israel has been blessed and lucky that most of the damage that has been caused thus far by the recent rounds of lobbing missiles and rockets in the south has been property damage and thankfully not much more serious than people with panic attacks and mostly "light" wounds. Of course the psychological damage may be immeasurable and continue to terrorize for many years to come.

• CNN is not my favorite barometer of international events because of some of more their obvious slanting of the stories, however I do tend to think that the average American is likely to get at least some of their news there. Along those lines, the first time I saw this graphic was around various facebook friends' pages and also here about 2.5 weeks ago. I think it makes the point rather well.

 

• This image is on the front of CNN today and it's caption is
  Hamas: Israeli attack opens 'gates of hell'
  This may be the case, but why did it take a targeted assassination of a known terrorist (who was largely behind the kidnapping and ultimate release of the Israeli soldier Gilad Shalit) and the ISraeli declaration of a major military operation to get the coverage that this situation deserves for several weeks now?

• The Israeli media is preparing it's citizens for a messy operation and indeed the rocket attacks have continued to rain down for hours. It has been and will continue to be a LONG night for the residents of all the locations in the south of Israel - see the map below. the bands of color indicate the amount of time people have to run for shelter when a Tzeva Adom (Color Red Alert) sounds on the civil air defense system speakers. It is now a daily and many times a multiple times a day event for these people who may not have a choice but to live in these cheaper cost-of-living areas. My heart breaks for these people and especially the children and other people who can not understand why this is happening. Or think that this chaotic semblance of life is NORMAL.
  Green band = 15 seconds, blue band = 30, purple band = 30 seconds, orange band = 1 whole minute.

• On another note, I got third-hand news that my arch enemy in the business world had passed away. While it took my breath away, it reminded me that HaShem knows when a person has fulfilled their purpose on this Earth and maybe one of her tasks in her life was to teach me some important life lessons the hard way. While it saddens me to hear of anyone's demise, I had to remember to bless the ultimate judge who makes those decisions. Baruch Dayan Emet.

kids' acheivements

Nov 13: thankful today that in the midst of 3 meetings and stomach issues and myriad school drama (I also forgot to sign up for teacher conferences in addition to the other nonsense that is going on) I remembered to send in the consent form for my son's poster contest.

turns out he is a second level finalist in a national tikkun olam poster contest.
If I understand correctly that is in the top 50 of all the submissions.
I am super excited for him.
He may even win an ipad - wouldn't that be awesome.
I think the top 12 winners get one.

When I called his art teacher she hadn't been informed and we were both excited.
So she sent me a pic of it...

It also said to list the community rep on the consent form  if we wanted to make it known in the community.
So, I made a few calls around and finally got to the correct person at the federation and now she and the art teacher know. The federation rep even made mention in our phone call that he may get an article in the JHV.
Of course, I was kvelling. what mother wouldn't be and I even got so excited because he just had a haircut so he'll look respectable if they do decide to do the article :)

I couldn't be happier to give my permission for my child’s poster to be included in the second level winners’ category of the Make-a-Poster Contest 2012.

·         I understand that my child’s poster, first name, age and possibly the submitted description, may be used in connection with external communications about the Make-a-Poster Contest 2012 or posted on www.voices-visions.org

Tzeva Adom

Watch this video. How far could you get in 15-20 seconds if your life depended on it?
Tzeva Adom

Nov 12: I am thankful that we are not raising our children in the Southern part of Israel where it is raining rockets daily right now. Or that just when a particular flare up dies down, then you just live in fear of when the next one will come. I guess it's a lot like living with my stomach issues. Just when I think things are better, then they go an get bad again, but I digress.

I am thankful that my toddlers do not need to be comforted by adult nannies who are scared themselves and that the magic of a popsicle might NOT make it all better.
I am thankful that my older children were able to enjoy a 2 hour concert outside this week, unfettered and without the fear of needing to run for their lives to the nearest shelter so that they would be safe if a rocket fell in their vicinity.

My heart is heavy with the thought that one of the reasons these people choose to live in this area is because it is relatively cheap. If you extrapolate that out, it means that these people likely do not make much money to begin with and then are faced with the consequence of living farther away from the center of the country.

I wonder if I would be brave and stand to make sure others who needed assistance (kids and the elderly) would get there in time, or would I run like hell to get myself to safety. Would I be able to clamor up enough strength to carry my babies or would I forever leave them in a stroller so that I could easily push them to safety (not that they would be having any of that - they don't know how to sit in the stroller anymore.)

Interesting food for thought.
And when we do eventually move to Israel you can rest assured that we wouldn't move to the south.
It's mostly desert and really E couldn't handle the constant heat - even if it IS that much cheaper cost of living-wise.

vetrans day

So these topics have a way of picking themselves.
Nov 11: Veteran's Day
I am thankful for all the servicemen who have served this country to protect our rights and freedoms.

I am also thankful for the fabulous concert that I took my son and daughter to last night. It may have been long and over their heads, but they got to hear one of the most amazing guitarists ever. David Broza sat alone onstage with his guitar for the entire show last night and was energetic for the whole show,
It was fabulous and free tickets since it was at the Miller Outdoor theater.

noise

Nov 10: trying to find things to be thanful for has not been so difficult this week.
Today I am thanful for the endless noise that is the soundtrack of my life. Screaming toddlers, spongebob, doodlebops and chipmunks playing in the different rooms at the same time.
Balls bouncing, scooters racing, thunder blowing the thundering storms that yael is sc
ared

o
f

at the momemt.

Kids randomly needing help at the top of their lungs and crying endlessly in the kitchen cause they are so overtired from the long evening we had the night before.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, we live loud and raucous rocks around here.

Now I am going to be thankful for an unusually imposed nap-time for us all.

feed perpectives

• James 
  Happy 237 USMC, and thank you
  

  
  

  Shannon 

  Happy Birthday, USMC!

• Two totally unrelated people in my FB feed commenting on the US Marine Corps birthday one after the other.

  Not sure what James's connection (a punk rocker with a masters degree in history living in Austin) is,

  but Shannon's husband is now a small-town preacher who was a Marine who saw at least 2 tours overseas

  Small world and infinitely connected in myriad ways.

friends

Nov 9: Make new friends and keep the old. One is silver and the other's gold.
This little song is one that we sang a lot in Girl Scouts and one of the first I taught my children when they were old enough.
So I am grateful for the friends that are oldies but goodies, like my scout friends and HS reunion peeps that I wanted to see and college buddies and friends that you can pick up with as if you never left off even when life gets in the way.
But I am also grateful for new ones like the ones that are going through all this school drama about the monumental 3rd grade.
So tonight we celebrate the new friendships that are being forged between mothers of 3 or more children. (3 families with 3 or more children each are getting together for dinner at one of their houses - and I totally wish I was organized enough to pull it off at my house, but hey, they all have housekeepers or mother's helpers or both)

People are put in your life for a minute or a lifetime but there is always a reason.

I am grateful to be able to rely on friends in tough times and friends who understand when you need your space.

Zen

Nov 8: Grateful for being in a place where I am very Zen about some very stressful issues. It almost feels like the normal stressors that affect my life have been magically stripped away and that I am having unusual clarity in seeing things clearly. In observations I have made regarding a school situation, the executive director said something that could have been taken quite offensively in that he was impressed by the intelligent things we had to contribute to the conversation. I suppose that because of the audience which involves a surgeon, a pediatric neurologist, a Rabbi and a teacher, as well as 2 stay at home moms and my husband and myself, I guess this could have been a backhanded compliment since he is a rather brash individual. I did not take offense and was actually pleased at the level-headed back and forth that we were able to achieve. It's almost as if a certain calm is pervading my deameanor by divine intervention.

In addition to the school drama, there has not been a lack of family drama either. A birthday and a baseball game culminated the end of a very long day. I was beat and couldn't keep my eyes open even though we had family over to celebrate. I even took being hung up on multiple times in stride. I kinda know what my dad must feel like when I can't even listen anymore...

I am grateful for this zen feeling and hope it stays around awhile.


In other related news, my stomach issues have seemed to iron themselves out for the most part and I am learning what will and will not be tolerated by my currently fragile system. Unfortunately, all the healthy things that I would like to include in my diet are irritating. I am able to subsist on candy and cakes and sandwiches for now, but not for too long I hope.