Sins of the Spies
In reading up on some of the traditions and stories about Tisha B'Av and the 3 weeks leading to that day I ran across the story of the sins of the spies who were sent to scout out the land of Canaan before the Israelites were to enter after their 40 year exile and exodus from the land of Egypt (am I pretty accurate here so far, if not simplistic?) These spies were shown the best of the crops, the fortified city walls (undermining the implied strength of the city) and the death of a local leader whose funeral preparations consumed the city. Without all the various rabbinical interpretations that were offered at the aish.com site, [I'll admit, it was late and I only read the first few paragraphs of the article...] I drew my own conclusions.
In any case, I don't ever remember the story being that the Israelites cried when they were denied entry into the land and that HaShem insisted that the Israelites cried for naught on that day, but that in the future He would give them a reason to cry - but that is how it was portrayed there. And in my recollection, the 3 weeks were a time of strife and anger and stress.
Since in my family we are on the brink of one of the biggest financial and life-changing events in our life, I took this story at a very personal stance. And of course the fact that it was late and I was tired, again, that surely factored in as well.
What I see is that we are running around like a chicken with its head cut off in all the time leading up to this and that now because of the timing of the events and our ingrained superstition as Jewish souls, we decided to prolong the agony and do the deed after the Tisha B'Av phenomenon is well past.
These last few weeks have been a very positive outlook for us in that the future looks bright - and in other realms: other work-related issues have magically worked themselves out in an unforseen, but positive twist for the better. But unfortunately, I am glad that the immediate thorn in my side has been removed for all intents and purposes and without any scarring on my end anyway, there has been fallout and I'm sure there will be more and that it will all come clear (or maybe not) in the next few months - or when I have the guts to ask her about it personally.
And to be fair, since my support system has broken down a little - the parents are in Israel enjoying themselves I'm sure, but leaving me with even more responsibility here at home that I just am not happy about shouldering at this particular moment in time, and my backup plan is a little wonky too as she has started a new job and is still adjusting to the time constraints it is putting on her in her world -I've had extra added stress to an already extremely taxing time. Then of course there is the constant struggle with my son's health and he is to undergo a sleep study at TCH (which I am sure I have totally blown out of proportion and is now a lot scarier than it should be) but that is another wrinkle in the fabric of my life that I have to find a way to iron out. But in addition to all that, despite taking it all out on my poor brother yesterday - who is in the midst of his own general life upheaval process, and that's a different blog post altogether - my personal vibe is pretty optimistic right now, and I'm not even waiting for the other shoe to fall, yet.
SO the point was, what happened to the idea that I had in my head about the 3 weeks being mournful and introspective and downright depressing that we lost the spiritual shrine that was to the Scheina here in this earthly plane? The Sins of the Spies story that I read made it sound like G-d was showing all these wonderful aspects that the spies misinterpreted. Are my blinders off? - why am I still seeing the world through rose colored glasses? And will the cosmos blindside me on Tisha B'Av cause I'm not sure how I will handle it righ about now.
I keep feeling that I am growing and having realizations about things that are all different but the same, but sure does seem sad that they haven't evolved - I both love and hate that Facebook thing for just that reason: again, a whole other post for another time...[Are we all back in HS? and why haven't some people moved on since summer camp? and why are (or aren't) all the scattered pieces of my life the fragments of what make me me? and why can't I continue to be that fragmented person and be ok with letting some of those fragments lie dormant or buried or be revived - told you it was a whole other post...
I really miss my learning once a week and I hope that my inspiring partner (and I consider her a friend as well, hope she feels the same) will be ammemable to continuing to meet when the program starts again in the fall. I think I will give her a call - as soon as I find my missing phone again! and see if she really does want to do the pool- party get-together with her kids and mine and another friends. Maybe next month or at least after Tisha B'av. :) At least I'm not homesick for Israel (at the moment) even though I took the plunge and searched out some of my friends (on FB) from my time in Jerusalem
1 comment:
Okay, okay, I'm going to take notes as I read (so keep in mind as I write, I haven't finished yet!):
1. Slight mistake, the spies were sent out when they got to Israel just a few months after leaving Egypt (I should look it up, but it was less than 2 years later - bad on me for not remembering). The 40 years of being in the dessert was a RESULT of the meraglim incident, not a precursor of it.
2. Tisha b'Av (and the 3 weeks) became a time of disaster and mourning and such as a result of the meraglim incident as well. That is not to say positive things never happen at that time. Just last night I went to an engagement party. I got married in Av (okay, later in Av, but whatever). Babies are born - heck, Mashiach is supposed to be born ON Tisha b'Av! But there is a koach in this time for hardship and suffering and loss, in the same way that in Adar there is a koach in the time for vanquishing enemies (rabbis historically advise: if you're going to be in a law suit against goyim, do it in Adar!). That Tisha b'Av negative koach came into the world and became rooted in time with the meraglim back in the midbar.
2b. Not all the meraglim misinterpreted what Hashem was showing them. But it is a lesson to us on how we see things. Everything God does is for the best - period. It's impossible for it to be any other way. Can we SEE, can we UNDERSTAND how it's for the best? Sometimes. Often not. Which is why it was a tragedy that the meraglim saw massive bunches of grapes and thought it meant that the land was warped and inhabited by giants, when really it meant that there was gonna be mounds of fruit salad (yummy yummy). That misinterpretation was compounded by the fact that the meraglim were the leaders of their generation who for heaven's sake had just been at Har Sinai (!!!) - they, more than anyone else in Jewish history, shoulda known better.
The funeral they saw was, of course, a chessed by Hashem that the locals were too busy burying people to sniff out the spies - but all they saw was death. And so on and so forth.
3. "We are running around like a chicken" sans head - you mean am yisroel in the midbar, or the Namers?
4. Oh, I guess the Namers. :)
5. Another reason to move back to Israel - my friend just had a sleep lab on her 3 year old daughter in her house. The techs came at night to set up the machine and stuff, left, and came back in the morning to collect it along with all the data. Her daughter was even INTO it (although all strapped in, she looked like a juvenile suicide bomber, lehavdil!). But I digress..
6. Why on earth is it a BAD thing if, even during the 3 weeks, you can see the good in your life? On the contrary, that's what we're all aspiring to!!
7. Oh, Facebook and the lack of moving on from high school... oh I laugh out loud...
8. Okay, finished!
As I said before, Hashem DOES do good things during the 3 weeks - everything is good, even if we can't see it. The fact that you can see it = good. Even a shiva house has moments of laughter and family closeness when the 'survivors' are all sitting around together.
Don't feel bad or guilty for happiness. Do be careful - the 3 weeks are a time of increased sakana. But don't feel bad. And I hope you do get that learning underway again. You can always just read my husband's blog. :)
Refua shleima to little Yoni! (Who is not so little - please remind him he's too old for this sort of thing!)
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