Sins of the Spies

In reading up on some of the traditions and stories about Tisha B'Av and the 3 weeks leading to that day I ran across the story of the sins of the spies who were sent to scout out the land of Canaan before the Israelites were to enter after their 40 year exile and exodus from the land of Egypt (am I pretty accurate here so far, if not simplistic?) These spies were shown the best of the crops, the fortified city walls (undermining the implied strength of the city) and the death of a local leader whose funeral preparations consumed the city. Without all the various rabbinical interpretations that were offered at the aish.com site, [I'll admit, it was late and I only read the first few paragraphs of the article...] I drew my own conclusions.
In any case, I don't ever remember the story being that the Israelites cried when they were denied entry into the land and that HaShem insisted that the Israelites cried for naught on that day, but that in the future He would give them a reason to cry - but that is how it was portrayed there. And in my recollection, the 3 weeks were a time of strife and anger and stress.
Since in my family we are on the brink of one of the biggest financial and life-changing events in our life, I took this story at a very personal stance. And of course the fact that it was late and I was tired, again, that surely factored in as well.
What I see is that we are running around like a chicken with its head cut off in all the time leading up to this and that now because of the timing of the events and our ingrained superstition as Jewish souls, we decided to prolong the agony and do the deed after the Tisha B'Av phenomenon is well past.
These last few weeks have been a very positive outlook for us in that the future looks bright - and in other realms: other work-related issues have magically worked themselves out in an unforseen, but positive twist for the better. But unfortunately, I am glad that the immediate thorn in my side has been removed for all intents and purposes and without any scarring on my end anyway, there has been fallout and I'm sure there will be more and that it will all come clear (or maybe not) in the next few months - or when I have the guts to ask her about it personally.
And to be fair, since my support system has broken down a little - the parents are in Israel enjoying themselves I'm sure, but leaving me with even more responsibility here at home that I just am not happy about shouldering at this particular moment in time, and my backup plan is a little wonky too as she has started a new job and is still adjusting to the time constraints it is putting on her in her world -I've had extra added stress to an already extremely taxing time. Then of course there is the constant struggle with my son's health and he is to undergo a sleep study at TCH (which I am sure I have totally blown out of proportion and is now a lot scarier than it should be) but that is another wrinkle in the fabric of my life that I have to find a way to iron out. But in addition to all that, despite taking it all out on my poor brother yesterday - who is in the midst of his own general life upheaval process, and that's a different blog post altogether - my personal vibe is pretty optimistic right now, and I'm not even waiting for the other shoe to fall, yet.
SO the point was, what happened to the idea that I had in my head about the 3 weeks being mournful and introspective and downright depressing that we lost the spiritual shrine that was to the Scheina here in this earthly plane? The Sins of the Spies story that I read made it sound like G-d was showing all these wonderful aspects that the spies misinterpreted. Are my blinders off? - why am I still seeing the world through rose colored glasses? And will the cosmos blindside me on Tisha B'Av cause I'm not sure how I will handle it righ about now.
I keep feeling that I am growing and having realizations about things that are all different but the same, but sure does seem sad that they haven't evolved - I both love and hate that Facebook thing for just that reason: again, a whole other post for another time...[Are we all back in HS? and why haven't some people moved on since summer camp? and why are (or aren't) all the scattered pieces of my life the fragments of what make me me? and why can't I continue to be that fragmented person and be ok with letting some of those fragments lie dormant or buried or be revived - told you it was a whole other post...
I really miss my learning once a week and I hope that my inspiring partner (and I consider her a friend as well, hope she feels the same) will be ammemable to continuing to meet when the program starts again in the fall. I think I will give her a call - as soon as I find my missing phone again! and see if she really does want to do the pool- party get-together with her kids and mine and another friends. Maybe next month or at least after Tisha B'av. :) At least I'm not homesick for Israel (at the moment) even though I took the plunge and searched out some of my friends (on FB) from my time in Jerusalem

Loved it

I LOVE THIS POST.
Like the tone of the post suggests the whole trip was fun, optimistic and upbeat (save for that 2 seconds I cried in the airport when they cancelled my flight after many weather related delays, because I was so ready to see my children who I had never left for so long in their entire lives)And we all have Eran and Senor Stew to thank for arranging such an AWESOME birthday surprise.
What Carlye also left out is that we also got a glimpse into her professional life by meeting one of her colleagues and a patient (albeit a brief encounter) and seeing the respect and affection they have for each other. We learned that since Sam has boycotted driving in NY we both shoulder much of the responsibility of driving our families around when we are with them. And that we are not visiting the pet store in the mall again because it makes us sad to see the aminals there and not be able to cuddle them.
Then we got to spend some Texas time with both Sam and Carlye over July 4th when we grilled and marinated some chicken for way too long (yes, in that order-it was a long weekend) after a whirlwind trip to the HEB. Lots of family fun (finally) as Carlye and I "sunbathed" (so neither one of us wanted to go swimming, since when is that a crime?), crocheted and watched Sam and Eran handle the swimming pool with the munchkins. We didn't quite continue the family photo tradition like we planned only because the Levine Jrs flitted in and out of Houston so fast on the back end of the trip that by the time we thought of it, it was already too late to make it happen.
In NY Carlye was {re-}introduced to the family habit of the women who talk in our sleep. Sam came downstairs and asked if I was sleeping and I told him that yes I was, but I could talk...and the funny part is that I remember that part of the conversation. Then of course he fed his cats cereal and I couldn't (in my brain-fogged state) fathom why he was still hungry...If dry cereal is good enough for my kiddos to eat on a sleepy morning, then why shouldn't Sam or his cats?

Frenzy

I'm in a creative frenzy. I am on the hunt for fun parve recipes for a lactose-intolerant toddler. I am starting with merengues and trying a tofutti cheesecake. I'll let you know how they turn out.
Also, my darling husband took 1-1/2 hours longer than he was supposed to in getting home thie evening, but he tried to smooth things over by bringing me a hot plate of couscous and vegetables which is all I ate while pregnant with Jonathan. Nice try, but I still had shopping to do and errands to run which is why I am blogging instead of cooking for the pot-luck dinner tomorrow night. I also managed to stop by the parent's house in the midst of their packing for their trip to Israel to drop off some clothes and to pick up some papers and to let the kiddos say goodbye (and Yoni wished them a safe journey all of his own accord - where did I get this special tzadikish boy?. Now I just need to get the $$ I owe Sam and Carlye deposited before my streak runs dry and I am officially broke.
Sorry for the dry spell, I will try to keep postin more often. I am hoping not to jinx the many things going on in my life by analyzing every detail and blogging about it, but at the moment, I am just trying to keep up and enjoy all the realizations that are coming with taking the time to decompress a little bit and not stress over everything.
At Work-newish company, new chain of command, new perspective, new colleagues, new outlook
more petty fights and irritating people to put up with and figure out